The Mega Shrinker 5000
by Swing123
Summary: After Rupert and Earl find out about Calvin's new shrink ray, they go to Earth to try and shrink him and Hobbes. And if it wasn't for Earl's crew, it probably would've worked. COMPLETE! PLEASE R&R!
1. The Shrink Ray

_Swing123: Besides TERROR IN THE TOWN, this will probably be my last story with Rupert and Earl in it, so enjoy.

* * *

_

Calvin walked up the stairs one bright summer day.

He had a wide grin on his face, and he was pumping his arms as he went.

He burst into his room, where Hobbes was reading a comic book.

"Guess what, Hobbes?" Calvin asked.

"Whatever it is, the answer is no." Hobbes said, turning the page to his comic book.

Calvin glared at him.

"I'll have you know, I wasn't asking you to do anything! I was going to show you something."

"It'll always lead up to something hazardous to my health." Hobbes said.

Calvin scowled.

"Relax, Hobbes. This invention isn't even complete, yet."

Hobbes' head shot up.

"_Invention!_" He yelled. "CODE RED!"

He leaped from the bed, dove into the closet, slammed the door, and locked it.

Calvin blinked.

"Hobbes, I'm not going to_ use_ this invention for financial worries or for fun this is a strictly serious thing."

Hobbes didn't emerge from the closet.

"Hobbes! This invention is going to be used for our safety!"

Hobbes opened the door a crack and peeked out.

Calvin grinned, and reached into his toy chest.

"Hobbes. Prepare yourself."

"That would be impossible."

Calvin pulled a long microphone with an extended wire at the bottom.

"This Hobbes, is the _Mega-Shrinker 5000_! It shrinks you!"

Hobbes stared at the device.

The microphone was a sleek silver color. The wire was black, and had a jack at the end, the microphone also had an extending neck. Which means that it got longer when it was plugged in. There was a single button the holding point, and a small switch between SHRINK and UNSHRINK. Oh, and it was pointing at Hobbes.

Hobbes stepped out of the way, as Calvin showed it off.

"However!" Calvin said. "It's not done yet. It still needs some other stuff. But when it's done, we can shrink all our attackers, and we'll be invincible!"

"Uh huh." Hobbes said. "And what happens if we get shrunk?"

"We won't." Calvin said. "Now, I'm going up to the attic to work on it. If I'm not back in fifteen minutes send a banana creme pie after me."

Hobbes rolled his eyes, as Calvin rushed out of the room with the microphone... Shrink ray Whatever... and wire tagging behind him.

Calvin ran up into the attic with the shrinker.

* * *

Meanwhile, high up in the sky... higher... higher... a bit higher... about three inches higher. There we are. Right above the planet Earth, a giant spaceship orbited the planet.

Standing in the window was a tall man in a white T-shirt, sunglasses, a goatee, short black hair, jet black jeans, brown boots and dog tags. Standing next to him was a slightly shorter man with a bald head, also with sunglasses, blue jeans, sneakers, a red T shirt with a jet black jacket, and sharp features.

Both were staring out over the Earth.

"EARTH POTENTATE, LOCATION: HOUSE, ATTIC." Said a cool robot voice.

"What's he doing in the attic?" Earl asked.

"Who knows?" Rupert replied. "And more importantly, who cares?"

Earl pushed a button on the intercom and called, "Attention. This is your captain speaking. Please report to the Control Room, immediately."

Nobody answered.

Rupert and Earl exchanged glances.

"Anyone who comes will receive a free milkshake." Earl added, a littler colder.

At these words, fifty aliens stampeded into the Control Room.

The aliens all had tentacles for arms. Their feet and legs also consisted of several tentacles. Their heads were chrome, along with the rest of their body, and took on a crescent moon shape. They had sharp, yellow, compound eyes, They all had stupid grins on their faces, and were wearing red uniforms with a PLANET ZOK logo on the chest.

They all lined up, pushing and shoving to get to the front, acquired serious expressions, and did salutes.

Rupert and Earl watched with their arms crossed.

"Alright." Earl said. "Is everyone here?"

Everybody stared at Rupert and Earl.

"Mm-hmm. Good." Earl said. "OK. We have received intelligence that the Earth Potentate is in his house. In his attic. Do we all know the plan?"

A tentacle went into the air.

"What?" Earl asked, turning to an alien. It was Alex.

"What time is it?"

Earl's eyes slammed shut. He pointed at the clock.

"Oh, thank you."

Another tentacle went into the air.

"Yes?"

"What planet would this clock tell time for?"

"_ZOK!_" Earl yelled.

Another tentacle went up.

"_What!_"

"Would that be the time zone that I live in?"

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW!" Earl screamed, throwing his arms into the air. "ANY _OTHER_ QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT TIME IT IS!"

Nobody moved.

Earl calmed down a bit.

"Alright. Good. Tonight, we invade the house. Any questions?"

A tentacle went into the air.

Earl spun around to him.

"The clock's there, it tells time for Zok, I don't know which Time Zone, there's a frame around it, it ticks, And it's hanging on a wall. Does _that_ answer your question?"

The tentacle went down.

"Good." Earl said, turning back to the crowd. "Now, please return to your work stations."

"What about our free milkshakes?" Asked an alien.

"**_OUT! NOW!_**"

The crowd rushed out of the room.

* * *

Calvin used the screwdriver, and attached several screws into the handle of the _Mega-Shrinker 5000_.

After it was screwed in, he took a black marker, and wrote on the neck of the shrinker,

**Mega-Shrinker _5000_**

Calvin grinned, and dusted his hands together.

Calvin then took the marker, and added a small personal touch.

**By Calvin the Bold, Boy of Dynasty**

Calvin grinned, and kissed his thumb and forefinger.

"Perfect!" He chuckled.

Calvin held up the shrinker.

He plugged it into a headphone jack on a CD player. There was a SHIIICK, and the shrinker's neck shot out, to full length.

Calvin flipped the switch to **SHRINK**, and pointed it at a box of winter clothing.

He pulled the trigger.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE**EEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!_

Red light shot out of the shrinker, and compacted the box into a half inch tall.

Calvin placed the device down, and got down onto his belly, and peered at the ground.

Calvin could see the box. Just barely. But he could see it.

Calvin grinned, and stood back up.

He grabbed the shrinker, set it to **UNSHRINK**, and pointed it at the box, again.

_zzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

The box instantly returned in a blast of red light a gasp of blue smoke.

Calvin's grin increased.

"IT WORKS!" He yelled. "MY SHRINKER IS A SUCCESS!"

Calvin placed the _Mega-Shrinker 5000_ on the table, and rushed down to his room.

"HOBBES! HOBBES!"

"What? What?" Hobbes asked, not taking his eyes off the comic book.

"My new invention works! I'm a genius!"

"Whoop Dee doo."

"And now, we're invincible!"

"Uh huh."

"You have absolutely no idea how important this is, do you?" Calvin asked, scowling.

"Nope." Hobbes said.

Calvin muttered and grumbled, and rooted through his comic books.

"Well, I'm not going to let your not caringness of my inventions lower my self esteemer. I'm going to read a comic book."

"Uh-huh."

Calvin sat down on the bed, next to Hobbes, and started reading _Captain Maim_.

He was grumbling to himself about all the injustices in the world, and how the shrink ray would come in handy for them, someday.

Heh, heh.

* * *

Meanwhile, Rupert's spaceship continued to hover over Calvin's state.

And it was lowering.


	2. Erne on a Mission

The alien spaceship continued to lower itself to Calvin's home state.

Earl was onboard, watching over the alien crew, making sure they didn't mess up or start fighting over jobs. Earl has to do that a lot.

"Have you located the Earth Potentate's house?" Earl asked.

"Uh huh." Lenny said. "It's right there. Next to that house. And that house. And that one, and that one, and that one, and that one, and that one, and that one, and that one, and that one, and that one, and that one, and that one, and that one, and that..."

"Where is he!" Earl demanded.

"He's in his bedroom." Lenny said.

"Good. A perfect target. Keep the ship in the clouds until nightfall."

"What are clouds?" Dave asked.

Earl's eyes slammed shut.

"Keep the ship hidden in those white puffy things until the night comes." He said, through gritted teeth.

"Oh, OK."

Alex and Dave steered the ship towards some clouds.

At that very moment, Rupert came into the room.

"Earl?" He asked.

"Yes, sir?" Earl asked.

"The ship is being steered towards the sugar factory behind town. Were you aware of that?"

Earl swatted Alex and Dave out of the way, and steered the ship into the clouds.

* * *

"Calvin where are you going?" Mom asked, as Calvin walked towards the door.

"I have to go to the town." Calvin said. "I don't have any crystals for the lens on my new invention."

"Did you clean your room, like I asked you to?"

"Mom!" Calvin said, impatiently. "_That's_ why I'm going into town! If I complete my shrink ray, then I won't _have _clean my room!"

Mom's eyes squeezed shut.

The next thing Calvin knew, he was sitting in the middle of a mess of papers, comic books, toys, and tuna cans.

Calvin muttered and grumbled.

"By golly!" He yelled. "If my _Mega-Shrinker 5000_ blows the house up, because Mom was too tight with her money to buy me some lens, then it'll be _her_ fault!"

"Mm." Hobbes said, laying on his belly on the bed, and drawing in a notebook.

Calvin trudged through the mess, until he reached his toy chest.

He rooted through the toys, and finally pulled the microphone out of the jumble of whatnots.

Calvin took the plug, and plugged it into a headphone jack in his CD player. He hit the ON button. The neck shot outward, and the end started glowing red.

Calvin grinned, mischievously.

He pointed the shrinker at a pile of papers and comic books on his desk.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

There was a blast of red light, and the mess on the desk vanished.

Hobbes' head came up.

Calvin then pointed the Shrink Ray at the sea of junk.

_**ZEEEAP!**_

Papers went flying in the air as Calvin waved the shrinker from side to side, and lasered everything on the floor, shrinking it to unseeable sizes.

Once the floor was visible, again, Calvin started shrinking stuff on the bed.

Hobbes dove from the way, as Calvin shrunk three comic books, four toy trucks, a box of band aids, and plate with sandwich crumbs on it.

Finally, Calvin pointed the shrinker at the window, and shrunk all the smashed flies.

Calvin blew blue smoke off the tip of the shrinker.

Hobbes peeked out from under the bed.

"Is it safe to come out?" He asked.

"Yep." Calvin said, proudly.

Hobbes stepped out.

"Well, Hobbes!" Calvin grinned. "This is great! With this Shrink Ray, I can instantly clean my room!"

"Yeah but it's not clean." Hobbes said. "It's just shrunk."

"It's the thought that counts, Hobbes." Calvin said, placing the _Mega-Shrinker 5000_ on his desk. "You can't see the jumble of things, therefore, following simple logic, the mess is what?"

"Uh..." Hobbes thought out loud. "shrunk?"

"No."

"Obscured?"

"No."

"Hidden?"

"No."

"Concealed?"

"No. It means that the mess is _gone_, Hobbes."

"Yeah, but it's not gone. It's been shrunk."

"I repeat, Hobbes," Calvin said, impatiently. "It's the thought that counts."

Calvin then spun away from Hobbes, and called, "MO-O-O-O-O-O-OM! MY STUPID ROOM IS CLEAN! CAN I GO OUTSIDE NOW!"

Mom came into the room.

"It didn't take you very long. Let's see how you did."

"I did WONDERFUL! I'm the master of cleaning rooms! Can I leave now?"

Mom studied the room.

"Your room looks pretty good." She said. "But did you clean out your closet?"

Mom reached for the closet.

Calvin's eyes bulged.

"I FORGOT THE CLOSET! NO WAIT! NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!"

_**FOOOOOOOOOM!**_

Mom, Calvin, and Hobbes were immediately buried under an avalanche of comic books, notebooks, toys, papers, chapter books, clothes, pillows, and blankets.

When everyone emerged from the flood, Mom turned a glare on Calvin.

"Back to work, kiddo."

"**_YOU_** MADE THIS MESS! **_YOU_** CLEAN IT UP!" Calvin screamed.

Mom left the room.

Calvin grumbled, and reloaded the shrinker.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

Instantly, everything was compacted down, once more.

Calvin muttered to himself, and put the shrinker back.

Calvin called Mom back into the room.

Mom couldn't find where Calvin had hidden all the stuff, so she let him go outside.

* * *

"HE'S ON THE MOVE!" Alex screamed.

Rupert looked up, and walked over to the radar screen.

The little dot marked CALVIN was moving, alright.

"He's heading to market!" Alex yelled. "He must be selling his cow for three beans!"

Rupert shoved Alex out of the way, and sat down.

"He's going into the Super Market." He said. He leaned over to the screen, and said, "security camera, force in."

The screen turned to static for a second.

"Visual." Rupert said.

The security camera in the store turned to the right, and focused on Calvin.

* * *

Calvin was walking casually down the isles, looking for crystals. And no, I don't know why the Super Market would be selling crystals.

Calvin didn't find what he was looking for. Instead of "crystals", he found "cake crystals", and decided that would have to do.

He walked up to the checkout stand, and placed the box on the conveyer belt.

The lady at the stand stared down at Calvin.

"Who are you?" He asked.

"Calvin." Calvin said.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty five and my voice hasn't changed yet." Calvin said.

"Uh huh." The lady said. "Where are your parents?"

"The car."

"Where do you live?"

"Sorry. Can't tell you that."

"Why not?"

"Classified information." Calvin said. "You need a ten thousand digit security code to get _that_ knowledge."

Calvin grabbed the box of cake crystals, slapped the three dollars onto the counter, and left.

Calvin left the store, and started walking down the street.

* * *

"Odd." Rupert said. "Why would the Earth Potentate need _that_."

Earl had been sitting in a chair this whole time.

"Well, we can't go down there until tonight." He said.

"Well, I'm interesting in seeing why he got that food." Rupert said.

"Well." Earl said, standing up. "As scary as it may seem, we'll need to send one of the crew down there to check it out."

Rupert and Earl exchanged worried glances.

Earl turned to his crew.

"Men!" He called. "I have a very important mission. Who would like to volunteer?"

Nobody moved.

Earl grabbed an alien out of his chair.

It turned out being Erne.

"Erne, we have a big mission for you."

"Really?"

"Really. But before we send you off on this dangerous task. You must past a test."

"A test?"

"That's correct. A test." Earl said. "Erne? What's two plus two?"

Erne's eyes went blank.

"Uh, eleven."

"You'll do fine." Earl said. "Just go down to Earth, don't be seen, and see what the Earth Potentate is doing with cake crystals."

Erne did a salute.

"CAN DO, BOSS!"

He rushed out of the control room, hopping around, and being happy. and dumb.

Earl turned to Rupert.

"Do you think this will doom the mission, or not?"

Rupert stared after Erne as if contemplating that.

* * *

Erne rushed down the hallways, until he came to a room with jet packs hung up everywhere.

He grabbed one of them, spent fifteen minutes trying to get it on, then walked over to the door of the UFO.

He opened the door, looked around outside, then leaped off.

For a while, wind slapped Erne's face, as he held all tentacles outward.

After about a minute of falling, Erne flipped over, and pushed the button that would start the jet engines up.

Hmmm. The button didn't work.

Erne pushed it again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again.

It was then that he became aware of a note on the pack that said, OUT OF ORDER.

Oops.

"**_YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_**" Screamed Erne, flinging his tentacles in all directions.

Suddenly the engines coughed and sputtered, and fire burst out.

Erne wasn't expecting this, and he went flying sideways.

"**_YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_**" Erne's jets propelled him around in spirals, zigzags, horizontal lines, vertical lines, and parallel lines. Leaving a smoke trail behind in his wake.

Erne bolted past Calvin about fifty feet into the air.

Calvin heard the screaming, and turned around. When he saw nothing, he continued his walk back home.

* * *

A fat man with a mustache was sitting in a lounge chair in the green grass of his yard.

He looked up, and saw a screaming alien attached to a jet pack spiraling across the sky.

"Mmm-_hmmmm_." The man said, looking away.

* * *

Soon, the jets sent Erne zooming for Calvin's school.

Erne grabbed hold of the flag post, and held on.

The jets started sending Erne flying around in circles around the pole.

However, Erne held on, and was able to finally gain control over the jet pack.

Erne wiped sweat from his brow, and flew off in the direction of Calvin's house.

* * *

Calvin entered his house, and walked up the stairs to his room.

"Alright, Hobbes." Calvin said, grabbing the _Mega-Shrinker 5000_. "I'm going up to the attic to put the finishing touches onto the shrinker."

"Uh huh."

"Don't wait up!"

Calvin walked out of the room, and closed the door.

* * *

Erne floated up to the window, and peeked inside.

He spotted Calvin walking up the stairs to the attic.

Erne watched Calvin, going from window to window, until he finally came to the attic window at the very top.

He peered inside as Calvin entered, and started sprinkling the cake crystals onto the top.

Erne fumbled with the video camera, almost dropped it, and started rolling.

The transmissions were sent up to Rupert's spaceship.

Rupert, Earl, and Earl's crew watched Calvin sprinkling the food onto the shrinker.

"What's he doing?" Earl asked.

"He's throwing food onto a microphone." Rupert said. "Being himself, in other words."

Suddenly Calvin picked the microphone up, plugged it into the headphone jack, and extended the neck out.

He pointed it at a box of old photo books, and pushed the button.

Rupert gasped. Earl's eyes popped open. Earl's crew... didn't do much of anything really. They didn't seem to being paying much attention to the video.

_**ZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

There was a flash of red light, and the box vanished into thin air!

Calvin flipped a switch, and pointed it at where the box used to be.

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

There was another flash of red light and the box reappeared.

Rupert and Earl exchanged looks of total glee.

"**_HE HAS A SHRINK RAY!_**" They both screamed in unison.

Rupert and Earl began laughing, insanely.

Earl's crew joined in even though they didn't know what they were all laughing about. They just did it because they thought that it would look good in their record.

Rupert and Earl laughed.

Earl's crew laughed.

Oops.


	3. The Mysterious Bus

Calvin put the _Mega-Shrinker 5000_ on the desk in the attic.

"How's it going?" Hobbes asked coming into the attic.

"Oh, it still needs some work." Calvin said. "The cake crystals keep falling out, and the shrinker's still shooting to the side a bit. I need to straighten out the blast."

"Uh humm." Hobbes said. "And, why are you working on it in the attic?"

"Hobbes!" Calvin said, "This is a Top Secret device! I can't just work on it _anywhere!_ What if the government sends FBI agents to spy on me!"

"Calvin, it's a microphone." Hobbes said.

"Yes, I know. Great disguise, huh?"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

* * *

Up in the clouds, Rupert and Earl were celebrating, whooping and hollering, and dancing around the room.

Earl's crew stared at them, not really knowing what was going on.

"I can't believe it!" Rupert yelled.

"THIS IS GREAT!" Earl yelled.

"THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF OUR LIVES!" They both screamed.

"What's the business?" Asked Lenny.

Rupert and Earl stopped their celebration, and stared at the crew.

"What do you _mean_ what's the business?" Earl demanded. "The Earth Potentate has a shrink ray! Do any of you even know what that _means_?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"It means that we can go in, steal the shrink ray, shrink everyone in the Earth Potentate's family, and then take over the world!"

Everyone grinned.

"Oh _I_ get it!" Alex yelled. "So we're going to go inside the shrink ray, lure him towards it, and shrink him, right?"

"No." Earl said. "That is _not_ right. I said that we were going to go into the house, steal the device, and shrink everyone inside the house."

"Yeah." Lenny said. "And if you shrunk your house, you'd _really_ be lost!"

Earl let his head fall to his chest. He felt beaten. Conquered. Defeated. Hammered down by the forces of chaos.

He lifted his head, and let the air hiss out of his lungs.

"siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. We are not going to shrink the house. I never said we _were_ going to shrink the house. Forget everything I said about the stupid house."

Dave blinked.

"Well, that's not very nice." He said. "How would _you_ like it if you were a house, and people called you stupid?"

"Shut up Dave." Earl spat. "You morons are never paying attention to anything! Why do you think you never know what's going on? We're about to take over the world, and _you're_ going to miss the bus."

The aliens gasped.

"What!" They yelled. "Did you see a bus!"

Earl stared at them.

"Bus? No. I didn't see a bus."

"Well, _we_ did!" Alex yelled. "saw it with our own eyes!"

"That's weird."

"Not really." Lenny said. "We've never used anybody else's."

"Anybody else's _what?_"

"Eyes." said Dave. "We've always used our own."

Earl's eyes bulged.

"OH SURE!" He yelled. "SO DO I!"

"Oh." Said Lace. "so you saw it, too?"

"That's not what I said!" Earl yelled. "Stop leaping to conclusions! Let's take this thing one step at a time!"

"Yeah, 'cause one step always comes before the next one." said Luke.

"Shut up." Earl said. "let me say right here, that there is _no_ bus on this ship. This doesn't add up!"

"Yeah, I never was very good with numbers." Alex said. "But we have eyes, and we saw it!"

Earl glared at them.

"Describe the bus." He said, testing them.

Lenny spoke up.

"Well, let's see. Big. It was big. Real big. And red."

"Uh huh." Earl said. "Did it have any wheels?"

"Oh yeah, lots of wheels."

"How many?" Rupert asked. "Numbers, Lenny, we want numbers."

"Oh, OK. Let's see. 37, 13, 68, and 4."

Rupert and Earl stared at them.

"The number of wheels, you brick. On the bus."

"Oh." Lenny said. "I thought you just wanted some numbers."

"No. The number of wheels."

"Eight?"

"No we haven't ate yet." Earl said. "We're having cornbread for lunch, but that doesn't count. But thanks for asking."

"Your welcome."

"Where were we?"

"Counting cornbread. I think."

"No, I said that the cornbread didn't count."

"Yeah, arithmetic is tough."

There was a moment of silence.

"Lenny?" Rupert asked. "I think something has happened to this conversation."

"I wonder what it could be."

"We were doing a work up on the bus." Earl spat.

Rupert and Earl waited for the crew to pick up from there.

"You remember the bus, don't you?"

"Well... not really. What bus?"

"The bus, Alex!" Rupert yelled. "The bus that came through the ship a while ago!"

"I'll be darned." Said Jay. "What did it look like?"

"It had eight wheels." Earl said.

"And it was big." Rupert added.

"And it was red. Bright red." Earl said.

"Huh." Danny said. "Was anybody on it?"

"There must have been a driver, Danny." Earl said.

"Hello?" Danny asked.

"What?"

"Someone called my name."

Earl grabbed Danny by the scruff of his uniform.

"I called your name, you little lunatic. Is it possible that your mind wandered and you weren't listening to our description of the bu..."

Earl's eyes blanked out.

"Wait a minute!" He yelled. "Why are _we_ describing the bus!"

"I dunno." Danny said.

"_YOU'RE_ the one that saw the stupid bus, so you ought to be the one describing it!"

"Huh."

Earl stuck his nose into Danny's face.

"You _did_ see a bus, didn't you?"

"Well... I don't think so. What would a bus be doing on the ship?"

Earl's eyes started rolling around in circles.

He couldn't find the words to express the scrambled feeling in his head.

He stepped away from his lunatic crew, and tried to clear the vapors out of his head.

Rupert and Earl then turned away from the moron crew, and started flipping switches on the control panel.

The crew watched.

"What are you doing?" Lenny asked.

"Working." Earl said. "doing my job. Following tracks."

"Oh good!" Alex said. "are they bus tracks?"

Earl's head shot up and his eyes fixed on Alex.

"ALRIGHT!" He yelled. "THAT'S ALL I CAN STAND! All of you! I forbid any of you to say the word bus again!"

The crew all exchanged glances.

"Gosh." Dave said. "What if we see one? What will we call it?"

"Call it a sub. That's bus spelled backwards if your bad at spelling too,"

"What if we see a sub?" Asked Lenny.

"Call it a tub."

"That doesn't make much sense." Jay said.

"No." Earl said. "and neither do any of you morons! So hush!"

There was a moment of silence.

Then Jay said, "They don't look like sub tracks to me."

"**_HUSH!_**" Rupert and Earl both screamed at once.

At last, they hushed.

Rupert turned back to the control panel.

"Where was I?" He asked. "I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM! STANDING AT A BUS STOP, WAITING FOR A SUBMARINE, COUNTING CORNBREAD, TRACKING A WASHTUB! **_I DON'T KNOW _WHAT'S _GOING ON!_**"

"That makes two of us." Earl replied. "I hate this crew."

* * *

For the rest of the day, Rupert and Earl laid low until nightfall.

When it finally came, Rupert and Earl told the crew to not destroy the ship while they were gone, and took some jet packs.

They opened up the door, and jumped off.

Both immediately activated the jet engines and flew straight down for Calvin's house with wide evil grins on their faces.

When they landed on Calvin's doorstep, they sabotaged the lock on the door, and entered the house.

"Remember." Rupert muttered. "Go into the attic, get the Shrink Ray, and then take them by surprise. Don't wake anyone up."

Rupert and Earl activated the jet packs to first gear, and started floating up the stairs to the attic.

When they past Calvin's room, Earl past first, then Rupert paused, and grinned evilly at the image of the sleeping Calvin.

Then he floated past.

Suddenly Calvin bolted up in bed.

"YIKES!" He yelled. "My stomach is empty! This calls for a midnight snack!"

As Calvin exited his room, Rupert and Earl disappeared behind a corner.

Calvin walked downstairs, and started rooting through the fridge.

Suddenly, he heard a loud bump coming from upstairs.

Calvin's eyes came up, and he dropped the banana creme pie back into the fridge.

He studied the area around him.

He closed the refrigerator door, and pulled his Transmogrifier Gun out of his pocket.

He started tiptoing up the stairs.

"This must be the attic door." Rupert said, staring at a door at the top of another short staircase.

Rupert and Earl floated up to the door. Rupert opened the door, and they flew inside.

Just as the door shut, behind them, Calvin rounded the corner, and cut his eyes from side to side.

He moved forward, his Transmogrifier Gun held in front of him, as he moved towards the attic door.

He inched up the stairs, and took hold of the handle.

He flung the door open, taking Rupert an Earl by surprise.

They spun around, their yellow eyes glowing in the darkness, and Rupert was holding the _Mega-Shrinker 5000_.

"YOU TWO!" Calvin screamed. "PUT THE SHRINK RAY DOWN!"

Calvin started firing lasers at Rupert and Earl.

The two dodged it, and Rupert whipped out his ray gun, and started firing.

Calvin dodged Rupert's blast, and continued firing his laser.

ZAP! ZAP!

ZAP! ZAP!

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

ZAP!

ZAP! ZAP!

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

ZAP!

ZAP!

ZAP!

After several minutes, Hobbes finally got out of bed, and came to see what all the zaps were.

When he saw Rupert and Earl, he panicked.

"YAAAH! RUPERT!"

Rupert's head came up.

This gave Calvin enough time to zap Rupert and Earl's ray guns out of their hands.

Rupert simply grinned, and held the _Mega-Shrinker_ up.

"Don't move, Potentate. Unless you want to get shrunk!" He snarled.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"We're going to shrink them whether they move or not." Earl said.

"Exactly." Rupert grinned.

Rupert cocked the shrinker, and pointed the glowing, humming end at Calvin and Hobbes.

Calvin and Hobbes gasped.

Rupert and Earl started laughing insanely, again.

Well, it has appeared that one of Calvin's inventions have turned on him.

Again.


	4. Spring Cleaning

Rupert fired the _Mega-Shrinker 5000_.

Before we go on, have we ever discussed how accurate Rupert is in his aiming? He's very accurate. His aim is very good. Now, consider this. Calvin had said that he was having trouble making the ray go straight forward.

Do you see where I'm leading up to? Heh heh.

Rupert had that thing pointed right at Calvin and Hobbes and if Calvin would've straightened out the blast, they would've been dead meat.

However, they weren't, tee hee.

The blast shot out three inches off, and shrunk another box, instead.

Calvin took this opportunity.

He grabbed the Transmogrifier Gun, and fired.

ZAP!

This blast nailed Rupert in the chest. However, it was set on laser mode, and Rupert wasn't transmogrified into something else.

In other words, he flew three feet backwards, and slammed into the wall.

Calvin then blasted Earl out of the way, and leaped for his shrink ray.

He snatched it up from the ground, and began firing it in all directions.

Hobbes dove out of the room as Calvin wildly zapped everything in sight, trying to shrink Rupert and Earl.

Rupert kicked the window outward, and leaped out. Earl followed.

They activated their jet packs and flew back up to the ship.

Calvin ran up to the window, and started firing the shrink ray after them.

All of the blasts missed, but at least Rupert and Earl were gone.

Calvin panted, and put the Shrink Ray down.

"It's safe to... pant, pant... come in, Hobbes. their... pant... gone... pant"

Hobbes peeked inside.

"Where's the Shrink Ray?" He asked.

"I got it away from them." Calvin wheezed.

"I noticed," Hobbes said, looking at all the shrunk boxes in the room. Which wasn't easy, mind you. He figured that all the brown dots on the floor were boxes.

Calvin switched the shrinker over to UNSHRINK, and started enlarging the boxes, again.

"Rupert and Earl are after my Shrink Ray!" Calvin breathed. "They could use this thing to destroy the Earth!"

"They could use any of your inventions to destroy the Earth." Hobbes said.

"Don't get smart, fuzz ball, we need to hide this thing in case Rupert and Earl come back."

Calvin prepared to take it out.

"Wait a minute!" he said. "We can't do that! We have to keep the shrinker in here! This is the only safe place!"

"Rupert and Earl have proved that." Hobbes said.

Calvin ignored him.

"We're just going to have to hide it in here."

Calvin walked over to a box in the corner of the room, and shoved it in, amongst some old photo albums.

Once it was out of sight, he stood up, dusted his hands together, and turned to Hobbes.

"OK. Let's go to bed."

Calvin and Hobbes went back to bed.

They got under the covers.

Calvin spoke.

"Hobbes, I know we'll probably wont get any sleep tonight so be sure you know that..."

"ZZZZZZZZZ! Snork murk, skittle rain on Tuesday."

HUH?

Hobbes was asleep!

AND AFTER WHAT THEY HAD JUST GONE THROUGH!

Calvin glared at him.

"How can you be sleeping at a time like this! We've just been attacked by a couple of demented planet dictators!"

"Grumble the muttering porkchop."

"That's no excuse, and don't argue with me! The point is that I won't get any sleep, and here you are... murk snork, gribble porkchop... that is, your honking the bubble wubble horrifying bananas... We are the elite snorks of the Slurry Divizzzzzzzzz... the elite troops of the Security Division, shall we say and sleeping isn't an option for uzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."

"Red clam chowder Lady fingers." Hobbes replied.

"Isn't an option for us." Calvin continued. "We have a job to do, an important job and that job requires that stay awhop and alurk... awake and alert, that is."

"Mutter, grumbling, dictionary zebra stripes... ZZZZZZZZZ"

"Yes, the temptation to drift off into... snerk, muff, mork, honky wigglewort... the temptation to drift off into muttering sleep is very powdery, but so is our sniss of loyalburble to our... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ."

"Grasshoppers fly banana airplanes."

"Fuzzy bubble."

"Ten thousand teddy bears brush their teeth with okra pickles snork murk, snicklfritz...ZZZZZZ!"

"ZZZ-KOFF KOFF-ZZZZZZ!"

"ZZZZZZZZ-HARK-ZZZZZZZ!"

"ZZZ"

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!"

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-snif-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

This is getting boring so let's skip ahead to dawn.

Calvin woke up at about eight in the morning, and set up a constant guard on the shrink ray.

Calvin spent hours working on it, and straightening out the blast.

He even tried to upgrade it to wireless, but it blew up in his face, and he switched it back to plug in.

At about three o'clock in the afternoon, he had finally perfected the blast.

Hobbes came in to check on him.

"Calvin, that show you wanted to see is on." He said.

"Sorry, Hobbes, I have to stay here all day, and guard the shrinker."

"Oh, OK." Hobbes said. "I'll tell you how it ends."

"Thanks."

"Your welcome."

Hours went by.

Calvin sat in the attic, staring at the shrinker.

He yawned.

Calvin hated to wait. He wanted everything right then and there, so waiting was very hard for him.

More hours went by.

By the time eight o'clock came, Mom had called Calvin to come down to bed.

"I wanna sleep in the attic, tonight, Mom." Calvin called.

"What on Earth for?" Mom demanded sticking her head into the attic. "You've been in here playing with your microphone all day. Let's go."

"But Mom! Rupert and Earl might come in the night and steal it!"

Mom ushered Calvin out of the attic.

"I don't want any nonsense." She said. "Just brush your teeth, and get in bed. We have a busy day tomorrow."

"Why?" Calvin said. "What's so busy about tomorrow?"

"Calvin, I must have told you a million times!" Mom sighed. "Your Dad has to take a business trip to another state. I have to go with him."

"I'm coming, too, right?"

"Wrong."

"WHAT!" Calvin yelled.

"We certainly don't need you destroying the hotel we're going to." Mom said. "Tomorrow evening at six o'clock, Rosalyn will be over."

"THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

"The world is often unfair, kiddo." Mom said.

By this time, Mom and Calvin had reached Calvin's room.

Mom tucked him into bed, and she left.

Calvin muttered and grumbled, and fell to sleep.

* * *

High up in the sky, Rupert and Earl were pacing back and forth in front of the crew.

The crew all watched, their heads swaying back and forth in tune with their pacing.

"Well, this is hopeless." Rupert said. "As long as he's guarding the shrink ray, we can't get him."

Suddenly, Earl stopped.

"Unless..." He thought, out loud.

"Unless what?" Rupert asked.

"Unless," Earl repeated. "If we just lay low, then he'll guard it and worry about us returning, and guard and worry, and guard and worry, and when he's worn out from lack of sleep and food, we'll move in! Time is on our side!"

Rupert's lips curled up into a large evil grin.

"So in other words," Rupert said. "Just wait?"

Earl grinned and nodded.

"Earl, you're so cruel." Rupert grinned. "I like how you think."

* * *

The next day, however, did not go exactly how Rupert and Earl had planned.

"CALVIN!" Mom called. "UP AND AT 'EM!"

Calvin's eyes flew open.

"AAAA!" He yelled, shooting upward. "Rupert and Earl are honking the muttering horseshoe spinach!"

His eyes came into focus, and he stared at Mom.

"Oh, hi. Was I talking in my sleep?"

Mom stared at him.

"Yeah. You were." She said, slowly.

"Hmmm, Maybe I should stop sneaking peanut butter sandwiches into my bed at midnight."

Mom stared at him.

"Uh huh." She muttered. "Well, get up. We're doing housecleaning today."

"**_WHAT!_**"

"Calvin, I don't want Rosalyn to think we're a bunch of slobs. And _you're_ doing your share of the messes. starting with sweeping up all the crumbs on the floor in the kitchen."

"Mom, I don't have time for this!" Calvin yelled. "I need to guard the _Mega-Shrinker 5000_!"

Mom narrowed her eyes, crossed her arms, and glared murderously down at Calvin.

Calvin blinked.

"Or, maybe I could clean the house." He said. "What's the difference?"

Calvin spent the next few hours cleaning the house with Mom.

* * *

Rupert and Earl were watching through a camera they had set up in the house, and Rupert wasn't happy.

"What's this!" He yelled. "His mother is making him clean up his house!"

"That seems tiring and full of work." Earl said. "Especially without our cleaning technology."

"Yeah, but not tiring enough!" Rupert yelled. "And furthermore, I hate waiting. We're invading the house in thirty minutes."

"We can't do that." Earl insisted. "If his parents see us, that'll be the end of it."

Rupert turned a fierce grin onto Earl.

"Ah, but his dad is at work, leaving only his mother. And his mother is going to have to go to the store soon to buy more cleaning equipment."

"She'll take the Earth Potentate with her." Earl said.

"Not unless she'll only be gone for a couple of minutes." Rupert said. "The grocery store is a five minute walk from their house. All we have to do, is wait for the mother to leave, then we'll move in."

"Sir, he has all that weaponry." Earl said. "The laser gun, time stopper, and Miniature Time Machine. He has us outmatched. Even _with _our Ray Guns."

"He may have _us _outmatched," Rupert said. "But we have _him _outnumbered."

Rupert and Earl stared over at the lunatic crew a few feet away.

Earl turned to Rupert.

"Surely, you're not thinking of bringing _them_ down there?" He asked.

"It will be a quick raid." Rupert said. "They wont have time to do anything stupid. We'll be there for twenty minutes"

"Pompey was destroyed in fifteen." Earl said.

"Earl, Lenny can't even find his back pocket in fifteen minutes."

"I'm not feeling any better."

After a while, Rupert convinced Earl to bring the crew along, saying that Calvin would panic with so many aliens in the house.

And so, they waited, and watched.

Earl told the crew to go get ready, and then kicked them out of the control room.

* * *

Meanwhile, back on Earth, Mom was beginning to run out of cleaning stuff.

"Calvin," she said, slipping on her shoes. "I'm going to the store to get some more Winddex. I expect the floors to be swept when I get back."

Calvin grunted.

Mom put on her sunglasses, then picked up a piece of paper.

She stared at it.

"I guess I might as well get some other things while I'm there." She said, tucking the grocery list into her purse.

And with that, she walked out the door.

* * *

Rupert and Earl watched.

Earl turned to his crew.

"Alright men, are we clear with the plan?"

Biff grinned.

"Sure!" He said.

Earl raised an eyebrow.

"What's the plan?" He quizzed.

The alien crew held a quick conference, then they turned back to Earl.

"Bishop to queen four?" Biff asked.

Earl slapped his forehead.

"I hate this crew." He muttered.


	5. Morons Playing with Fire

Rupert and Earl both slipped on Jet packs.

They waited for the crew to finish struggling with the straps, and the packs, and actually putting them on.

After each alien had a jet pack on, Rupert and Earl pushed a button on their suits.

Both of them morphed into their human forms.

Then Rupert and Earl slipped on a pair of red gloves.

The crew did the same.

Rupert and Earl put their ray guns in their suits.

The crew did the same.

Rupert and Earl stocked up on several deadly weapons.

The crew did too.

After they were all stocked up, and as deadly as ever, Rupert and Earl both leaped off the ship.

The crew followed.

Rupert and Earl pushed the buttons on their jet packs and immediately halted their fall.

The aliens tried to do the same, but ended up flying out of control in all directions.

When Earl finally told his lunatic crew how to steer, they started to move in to Calvin's house.

* * *

Calvin was inside, grumbling up a storm, and sweeping the floor.

"I can't believe that Mom is forcing me to do this! What am I? Her personal slave?"

"Well, at least the house is getting clean." Hobbes said.

"Big deal!" Calvin yelled. "I don't have time for this! I need to go check on the Shrink Ray!"

Calvin went storming up the stairs.

* * *

Meanwhile, Rupert, Earl and the crew were all gathered around Calvin's door.

"Alright." Rupert said. "We're going to have to cause a distraction while we move into the house. We're going to need someone trained and skilled in spy work."

There was a pause.

"Or in this case, anybody out of the crowd." Earl said.

Rupert grabbed Dave.

"You'll do quite nicely." Rupert said. "Just go in there, and make sure nobody is around."

Dave did a salute.

"CAN DO, BOSS!" He yelled.

He did some kind of victory screech, and exploded into the house.

Rupert and Earl watched.

"What have we done?" Earl asked.

* * *

Dave looked around in all directions, then tiptoed past Hobbes in the kitchen.

He crept up the stairs towards the attic.

He peeked into the attic and spotted Calvin.

He was fooling around with the Shrink Ray.

Dave hid behind some boxes.

Calvin examined the shrinker, proclaimed it not stolen, then walked out of the attic.

When he was gone, Dave peeked out from behind the box.

He stared at the shrink ray.

It was shiny.

You know the rest.

Dave ran up to the ray and picked it up.

"COOL!" He exclaimed.

He pushed the button on the microphone.

The neck extended outward, and started glowing.

"AWESOME!" He screamed.

He hit the button again.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

All at once, a box in front of him vanished in a flash of red light.

Dave's eyes grew wide.

"WOAH!" He yelled. "THE SMALL RAY!"

He pushed the button, again.

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

The box returned.

"COOL!" he screamed.

He pushed the button one more time.

The ray shot out.

Except this time, it bounced off a mirror, bounced off some glass in a picture frame, then went out the window with a CRASH!

Dave looked outside, and watched the blast of shrink ray bounce all over the place outside.

"Oops." He muttered.

He stared down at the Shrink Ray.

He stared outside at the ray bouncing off windows.

There was a moment of silence.

Then he shrugged, and decided, "Ah, it probably wont do much harm"

Uh huh.

* * *

Outside, Rupert and Earl were tapping their feet, and waiting impatiently.

"What is _taking _him so long!" Earl demanded.

"Forget Dave." Rupert said. "We're going in now."

There was a blast of electricity, and Rupert, Earl, and the crew burst into the house.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!

Hobbes' head shot up.

He stared at Rupert. He stared at Earl. He stared at the alien crew.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Boo." Rupert said.

Hobbes suddenly disappeared.

No kidding, after Rupert said "Boo", Hobbes suddenly evaporated in thin air.

ZOOM!

He vanished.

The aliens laughed.

Calvin was coming down the stairs when Hobbes suddenly appeared in front of him.

Took Calvin by surprise.

He collapsed onto the stairs, and screamed, "HOW ON EARTH DO YOU DO THAT!"

Hobbes began jabbing his finger at the door, and he was babbling.

Calvin stared at him.

He stared at the door.

His eyes burst open.

Rupert, Earl and Earl's crew began to come towards the stairs, grinning, evilly.

"Hello, Earth Potentate." Rupert growled.

"Goodbye, Rupert." Calvin said.

Calvin and Hobbes began to back up.

The backed into something big.

They turned around and saw the grinning face of Dave the alien.

"YAAAAAAAAAH!"

There was an explosion of stairs, and a scream.

Calvin and Hobbes leaped off the stairs, and exploded down to the basement.

The aliens watched.

Rupert turned to Dave.

"Did you get the device?" He asked.

Dave blinked.

He looked behind him to see if Rupert was talking to someone else.

When he saw no one, he turned back to Rupert.

"No?" He guessed.

Rupert and Earl stared at him,

"What do you _mean_ no?" Earl demanded.

"Well, I didn't get the device."

"YOU MORON!" Rupert and Earl screamed.

Dave started scratching his chin, nervously.

Rupert and Earl glared at him.

"Well we better go up and get it." Earl muttered.

They started up the stairs until Calvin burst out the door, and screamed, "AND FURTHERMORE, YOUR MOTHERS ALL WORE ARMY BOOTS!"

And with that, he slammed the door.

Rupert, Earl, and the crew all stared at the door.

Earl turned to Rupert.

"Correction." He said. "We better go down, and destroy Calvin."

The aliens ran off the stairs, and approached the door with deadly expressions.

Dave walked up to the door first, and knocked.

When nobody answered, he turned to the crowd and said, "Nobody's home."

Seconds past as Rupert and Earl stared into the emptiness of Dave's eyes.

Then, Earl shoved him out of the way, and kicked the door open.

SLAM!

The aliens all swarmed into the basement.

One alien named Zack was about to follow, when he noticed a small switch next to the basement door.

He didn't know what it did, so he flipped it.

Click.

CRASH! BONK! WHAM! SMACK! WALLOP! WHACK! SHATTER! SMASH! BOOM! THWACK! BANG!

Hmmm.

The alleged switch appeared to be the light switch for the basement.

And all at once, we had a whole bunch of aliens tripping on the stairs, and collapsing into each other.

"**_ZACK!_**" Screamed Rupert and Earl from the dark depths of the basement.

Oopsies.

Zack gulped, and ran to the pile of aliens at the bottom of the stairs.

Rupert and Earl spent the next few minutes screaming and yelling at Zack, then they decided to return to the task of destroying Calvin.

Calvin and Hobbes were huddled in the corner of the basement.

The two exchanged glances of sheer terror.

"Well, this is the end, Hobbes." Calvin sighed.

"It appears to be like that."

"But we must take our downfall, and face it like men!"

"Yeah right."

"It'll be tough, Hobbes,"

"Yeah, that's for sure."

"We'll have to be brave, Hobbes. And _if you run out on me again, you little weenie, I'll... _I don't know what I'll do, but you'll be the first to find out!"

"Yep."

The aliens were getting closer.

Their yellow compound eyes were glowing in the darkness.

A wide evil grin spread across Rupert's face.

"Say farewell, Earth Potentate."

Rupert pulled his ray gun out of his pocket.

Suddenly, Calvin leaped up, and dove from the way, as Rupert shot a blast at him.

Hobbes pushed himself into the very back of the corner, and became invisible.

Rupert and Earl started firing ray gun blasts in all directions, attempting to hit Calvin.

Calvin ducked and dodged all of them, and was able to start running up the stairs.

"Oh no you don't!" Rupert screamed.

Rupert rushed up the stairs, and grabbed Calvin.

Earl rushed up the stairs, and grabbed Rupert.

The entire alien crew leaped onto Earl.

Hobbes pounced through the air, and landed right into the middle of the alien crew.

Calvin struggled against the weight on him, and attempted to get to the door.

HUH!

Suddenly, the Shrink Ray blast that Dave had shot outside came back into the house.

It bounced off the mirror in the livingroom, ricocheted off of the computer screen in the next room, and rebounded off of the window in the kitchen.

Calvin looked up in time to see the blast screaming towards him.

"Oh for crying out loud." Calvin muttered.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_


	6. Shrunken Calvin and Hobbes

_**BOOM!**_

Calvin, Hobbes, Rupert, Earl, and the entire alien crew were blasted off their feet, and landed at the bottom of the stairs.

Red energy consumed Calvin, then Rupert, then Earl, then the alien crew, then Hobbes.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

Alex the alien looked up.

He looked at his tentacles, he looked at everyone in front of him, then looked up at a giant box in front of him.

He swallowed hard, and turned back to the crowd in front of him.

"Well," He said. "Now's it's gonna be _twice_ as hard to clean the ship. Ma always said this would happen to me, if I didn't change my ways, and sure enough, it _did_. Darn."

Rupert got up and looked around.

"What the..." He muttered. "What happened? What did you do, now?"

Calvin lifted himself from the ground.

He looked at Rupert.

He looked at his hands.

He looked at the giant boxes in front of him.

A wide grin spread across his face.

"It... It works! The _Mega-Shrinker 5000 _works on humans!" He threw his fists into the air "**_THE _MEGA-SHRINKER 5000 _WORKS ON LIVING ORGANISMS!_** **_I'M A GENIUS!_**"

"What, you're saying that you didn't know in the first place?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin nodded.

"Your saying that that blast could've blew us up!" Hobbes demanded.

Calvin nodded, but his grin faded a little.

"Uh-huh." Hobbes said. "And is this one of those 'temporarily permanent' things, where you stay like this until a cure is given?"

"Yes." Calvin said, his grin fading completely.

"Mmm-hmmm." Hobbes replied. "Tell me, Calvin, have you ever been beat to death with a hammer?"

"Um... no, never." Calvin said.

"Have you ever been strapped to dynamite, and hurled into the forty fifth floor of a condemned building?"

"Not exactly." Calvin sighed.

"Has anyone ever tied you up in a garbage bag, and throw you into a pit full of alligators?"

"Not that I could, uh, recall, No." Calvin said.

"Well, somebody should have done it a long time ago." Hobbes said. "And the only reason nobody did, is because no one wanted to waste a garbage bag!"

"Wait a minute!" Earl yelled. "We've been _shrunk!_"

Calvin nodded and his grin returned.

Earl scratched his head.

"But who would...?"

A light came on Earl's eyes.

Everyone turned a sharp glare on Dave.

Dave was looking around nervously.

"Dave?" Earl asked.

"Yes, sir?" Dave asked.

"Did you shoot the shrinker up in that attic?"

"Yes, sir."

Silence.

Earl's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"All the _other _alien captains get _good_ crews." He muttered. "All the _other _alien captains get professional karate masters and trained hit men. Not _me _though. _I_ get stuck with what's left. every single time."

The alien crew exchanged confused glances.

Calvin and Hobbes took this opportunity to somehow slink away into the darkness.

Except, whoopsies, Rupert spotted them.

"HEY! HE'S GETTING AWAY!"

Rupert whipped his ray gun out, and started firing at Calvin and Hobbes.

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

"YAAAA!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed, ducking and dodging, and running off.

"AFTER THEM!" Earl screamed.

Calvin and Hobbes zoomed across the basement, with Rupert, Earl and Earl's crew in hot pursuit, ray guns blasting.

Considering how small they all were, it took Calvin and Hobbes five minutes of running to reach half way across the box.

Calvin and Hobbes had a feeling that they couldn't keep it up like that.

When the aliens activated their jet packs, and began flying after them at fifty miles per hour, Calvin and Hobbes **_knew_** they couldn't keep it up like that!

Calvin began fishing though his pocket, until he pulled out a black marble like item.

"Hobbes, this is another one of my inventions." Calvin panted, dodging a blast of plasma. "It's a smoke bomb."

Calvin tossed the marble over his shoulder.

FOOM!

"Cough! Cough! Cough! Cough! Cough! Cough! Cough! Cough! Cough!"

Rupert and Earl were able to keep their rockets straight.

And if it wasn't for the crew, they probably would have stayed straight.

The smoke bomb went off, and all at once, the crew magically lost control of their rockets and started flying around in all directions.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Erne collided into Dave, Lenny crashed into Earl, Jay smashed into Rupert, and so on.

While Rupert and Earl tried to straighten out the chaos that was going on in their world, Calvin and Hobbes had finally reached the stairs.

They seemed pretty tall.

Calvin turned and looked behind him.

Earl had crashed into the wall, and Rupert had his strap tangled up in Lenny's strap, and they were both flying around in crazy spirals.

Calvin turned back to the task at hand.

"Alright, Hobbes, climbing these stairs might not be easy, but our strive for survival will kick in and..."

Calvin then saw that Hobbes had climbed up the first step, and was staring at Calvin.

Calvin blinked.

"Hobbes, I have no time to scream and yell at you, right now, so please pull me up." He said.

Hobbes yanked Calvin onto the first step.

"Alright." Hobbes said. "One step down, two hundred to go."

Calvin looked up at all the stairs in front of him.

"Oh, man, Hobbes, we wont have time for this!" Calvin yelled. "If Rupert or Earl regain themselves, WE'RE DEAD! They'll probably haul us off to Zok and stick us intergalactic zoos!"

"How is it that it's alright to do _that_ to the animals but not to the humans?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin and Hobbes continued climbing the stairs.

After fifteen minutes, Rupert and Earl finally got the crew to regain control on their rockets.

When Rupert looked up, he saw Calvin on the last step, and Hobbes was pulling him up into the kitchen.

"HE'S GETTING AWAY!" Rupert called. "COME ON!"

Fire shot out of Rupert and Earl's rockets and they didn't even wait for the crew. Which actually seemed like a good idea.

Calvin's eyes shot around.

"Rupert and Earl are coming!" Hobbes yelled, "what are we gonna do?"

Calvin finished climbing off the step, and into the kitchen.

"Hobbes," Calvin said. "If I show you what's in my pocket, will you promise not to throw a screaming fit?"

"No." Hobbes said.

"In that case we shall be devoured by aliens."

"Show me what's in your pocket." Hobbes said.

Rupert and Earl were getting closer. Wide evil grins covered their faces.

Calvin reached into his pocket, and pulled out... hmmm... he pulled out a mini CD player.

"This is the last invention I have in my pocket at the moment." Calvin said. "However, since it's been shrunk, it only has enough power for three electric blasts and that's it."

Hobbes blinked.

Calvin quickly pulled up the Main Menu.

The hologram was not at all the way it usually was.

It didn't look sleek and advanced. It was actually wavy and staticy. And there words missing in the greeting.

**We com to t e TM**

**Calvin th bold s ate t and m st e fec ive T e Ma hi e**

Calvin clicked around on the MTM.

_D fe se Mod ac i a ed_

ZZZZZT!

Instead of the usual convincing boom, or blast of fire the MTM simply sent white electricity exploding out of the tip of the machine.

It hit Rupert and Earl just as they were nearing the door.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEK!" They both screamed, tumbling back down the stairs.

Calvin quickly closed down the Main Menu.

He tucked the MTM into his pocket.

"Alright, now we can panic, and run for our lives!"

Calvin and Hobbes flew off of the scene.

"What are we going to do?" Hobbes asked.

"We're going to have to go up to the attic!" Calvin panted. "That's where the Shrinker is."

"Calvin, Rupert and Earl have jet packs! And they have their entire crew with them."

"Hobbes, I'm not to worried about the crew." Calvin said.

"Yeah, neither am I, actually."

"As for the jet packs, I have only one thing to say: The crew has them too. Therefore, I don't worry about _that_ too."

Calvin and Hobbes paused for a breather as they reached the kitchen counter.

* * *

Meanwhile, Rupert and Earl had been rolling down the stairs, and they were now laying on their backs.

All the way down, though the two aliens kept their eyes closed.

But as they landed, slowly, the two planet dictators opened their eyes.

They then saw a terrible sight; Earl's grinning crew.

They were all upside down, and grinning down at their two bosses.

"Guess what?" Biff the alien asked. "You left without us when you went after that spike head, so while you were gone, we all developed a music video for you!"

"Drop dead." Earl spat.

Rupert and Earl slowly stood back up.

They reactivated their jet packs, ordered the crew to follow, then began their long journey up the kitchen.

I know, that may not seem long to you, but please remember that everyone in the house was now the size of a jellybean.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes continued to pant. They had only run four feet, but seemed like four miles.

"When do we get to the elevator?" Hobbes asked.

"It can't be that far from the stairs, now." Calvin huffed.

They continued walking.

Just then, Calvin heard a low growling.

"Whazat?" Calvin asked.

"It wasn't me." Hobbes said.

Calvin looked around.

"Hobbes can you think of anything or one you want to see right now?" Calvin asked.

"No." Hobbes said.

"In that case, Hobbes, we are in very deep trouble."

"No kidding?" Hobbes said, sarcastically. "By the way, a giant Black Widow Spider is crawling towards you."

"Well that was informative." Calvin said.

"Thanks."

"Your welcome."

There was a moment of silence, then, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Calvin and Hobbes ran around in circles, crashed into each other, several times, and finally ran themselves out.

It was then that Calvin became aware that... Uh, a rather large black spider with giant poison pinchers and a red hourglass on its back was creeping for Calvin and Hobbes all four hundred eyes fixed on them.

Calvin and Hobbes back up into a corner.

Calvin whipped out the MTM.

"HA HA!" Calvin yelled. "I have a MTM, and you don't! And ha ha!"

Calvin pushed the Main Menu button.

A message came up.

_How much wood could a woodpecker chuck if a peckerwood's a checkerboard square?_

How much wood could a woodpecker... hmmm...

Calvin closed down the message, and turned to Hobbes.

"Hobbes, I'm afraid we're on our own on this one."

"Uh huh."

"Ready for some combat?"

"No."

"WHAT!"

"I said, Oh boy. Combat.Oh goody."

"That's the spirit. Let's get to it!"

And so, Calvin and Hobbes launched themselves into battle with a deadly black widow spider.


	7. The Battle in the Kitchen

Finally, after fifteen minutes of flying up, Rupert, Earl, and the crew reached the kitchen.

Earl had also finally reached a solution to the rocket pack problem that the crew was having.

Earl had ordered the crew that whenever their rockets started acting up, that they should turn their rockets off completely.

The aliens had stared at him, and Dave had asked, "But then we'll fall."

To which Earl had replied, "Well, that's better than you slamming head first into me or Rupert,"

Anyway, when Rupert, Earl and the crew finally reached the kitchen, Rupert and Earl began discussing their plan.

"Alright," Rupert said. "Calvin doesn't have any rockets so we may be able to get to the shrink ray easier than he."

"OK." Earl said. "Then all we have to do is unshrink ourselves, and take the ray."

Rupert gave Earl a nasty grin.

"Exactly." He said.

Rupert rose into the air.

Earl gave his crew the orders to follow them.

Uh oh.

* * *

"Alright, Hobbes." Calvin whispered, as the black widow spider advanced. "One of us will cause a diversion while the other person gets away." 

"What happens to the person who's causing the diversion?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, he get to be the first tiger to experience the digestion system of a spider."

"Yeah, and you'll be the first six year old with claw marks from your head to toe." Hobbes hissed.

The spider continued to come up upon them.

And there was poison dripping off its jaws.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at it.

"Well, here's another idea." Calvin whispered. "It's one where we run for our lives, while screaming like a couple morons."

"Sounds good."

"I think so."

There was a mad scramble, and the air was suddenly filled with the sounds of Calvin and Hobbes' maniacal screaming.

The spider roared and leaped after the two shrunk lunatics.

Calvin and Hobbes flew across the kitchen floor, screaming their heads off while the spider went roaring after them.

Then, Calvin and Hobbes came to the kitchen table.

"Quick!" Calvin yelled. "Hide behind the table leg!"

Calvin and Hobbes ducked behind the table leg next to them.

The spider came running up.

Its spider eyes cut from side to side.

Calvin and Hobbes stood behind the table leg, panting.

The spider screeched, interesting that you never think about what spiders would sound like if you were half and inch tall, and started towards the table leg.

Calvin and Hobbes were breathing hard, and their hearts were thumbing around like bass drums.

Suddenly, and how convenient, Calvin spotted a long piece of string on the floor.

Calvin nudged Hobbes and pointed at it.

Hobbes slapped his forehead, completely misinterpreting Calvin's message.

Before the spider reached him, Calvin rushed forward, and grabbed the string off the floor.

The spider's head shot around and its terrible four hundred eyes all fixed on Calvin.

"COME ON, HOBBES! RUN!" Calvin screamed.

Hobbes didn't need telling twice.

Hobbes didn't even have to lean forward or anything, he just automatically transformed into rocket tiger.

ZOOM!

Calvin and Hobbes bolted around to the other side of the table.

The spider watched, screeched again, and went clicking after them.

Once Calvin and Hobbes reached the west table leg, Calvin tied the string into a loop, started swinging it around like a cowboy, then let it fly upward to the table.

The string flew up to the top of the table, and hooked onto something.

Calvin tugged on it, several times, then started to climb up it.

Hobbes rushed to follow.

The spider then reached the string, stared up at's prey, and screeched.

Calvin finally climbed onto the table. He then stood there, and impatiently waited for Hobbes to climb on.

When Hobbes finally got on, they dared to relax.

"Whew!" Calvin sighed, sitting down. "What a relief."

At that very moment Calvin and Hobbes heard an odd noise.

"Hobbes?" Calvin whispered. "Do you hear something?"

"Yeah." Hobbes said. "clicking."

"Yes, now what form of thing makes clicking noises?" Calvin asked.

"Deranged black widow spiders climbing up a table leg to its powerless prey?" Hobbes asked.

"I don't think I'd put it like that, but, yes." Calvin whimpered.

The spider screeched as it continued to climb the table leg up to the table.

Calvin and Hobbes began backing away from the edge of the table.

The spider would be on in less than fifteen seconds.

Suddenly, Calvin and Hobbes backed into something.

Calvin looked up and saw... hmmm... a fruit bowl.

Before the spider came up, Calvin grabbed Hobbes by the arm, hurled him into the bowl, then flung himself in.

The spider peeked around the ridge of the table.

He climbed on, and started sniffing the place out.

Calvin and Hobbes sat on top of an orange, while they listened to the sound of the spider's low growling.

Suddenly, Calvin got an idea.

"Hobbes!" He hissed. "Help me out here."

Hobbes looked around and saw Calvin plucking grapes the size of bowling balls off of giant vines.

Hobbes started to pitch in.

Then, the spider started crawling for the fruit bowl.

He was about five feet away when Calvin suddenly appeared at the rim.

He heaved the giant grape up.

"FINLAND!" He screamed, holding the grape over his head, and letting it fly.

WHACK!

The grape collided with the spider, and both went rolling for the edge of the table.

They fell off the edge of the table, and onto the floor.

"HAND MORE AMMO, HOBBES!" Calvin screamed.

Hobbes started handing Calvin grape after grape.

Calvin piled them up in front of him on the table.

Then he picked one up, with much grunting an groaning, and prepared to hurl it at the spider when it came back up.

However, the spider seemed to have given up, and Calvin's "ammo" was immediately aimed at a new target.

Rupert, Earl, and the alien crew were flying four feet above the ground, just one foot above Calvin and Hobbes, see, and Calvin saw a need to disrupt their flight pattern.

He heaved the grape, and it landed right into the middle of Jack the alien.

"OOF!" He yelled, flying backward. "I'm hit!"

Can you guess what happened, then?

He totally lost control of his rocket pack, of course.

And once _Jack _lost control, all the other aliens thought that would be fun, so they joined in too.

And all at once, we had a whole crew of aliens screaming their heads off, and flying around in all directions.

Rupert turned a deadly expression to Calvin.

He whipped out his Ray gun, and before Calvin could get out of the way, he hit the trigger.

ZZZZT!

"YAAAAAAAAHH!" electricity engulfed Calvin he screamed, and tumbled into the fruit bowl.

After Rupert blasted him, Erne crashed into him, sending him flying.

Hobbes watched his flight.

When Calvin stood up, he had little cuts and scratches on his face, and there were little trickles of blood running down it.

Hobbes stared at him.

"Wow." He said. "Rupert sure did trash your face."

Calvin wiped the blood off his face with a hanky, and glared at Hobbes.

"Thanks, pal. Did you see what I did to him?"

"No."

"I gave him a crew that's spiraling in every direction."

"Yeah, but you're the only one wearing blood."

"That's right, Hobbes. And I wear it proudly. Do you know what we call this?"

"Well, let's see. A bloody nose?"

"No."

"Uh... lacerations and hemorrhaging?"

"No."

'Well, let me think. Uh... facial trauma?"

Calvin glared at him.

"You've missed the whole point, Hobbes, and please stop showing off, and using big words. Nobody is fooled by your childish expeditionism."

"You mean 'exhibitionism'?"

"I meant exactly what I said."

"What did you say?"

"I don't know what I said!" Calvin finally yelled. "But I said it! And I meant every word of it!"

"It was a big word."

"Of course it was a big word. Do you think I'd waste my time with scrawny little words? No sir! We should strive to enlarge our respective vocabularies, Hobbes, And it wouldn't hurt you to say a big word every now and then."

Hobbes stared at him.

"I thought you said..."

"Never mind. Let's return to my original question."

Calvin pointed at his bloody nose.

"What is another name for this?"

"Well... wreckage?"

Calvin wiped all the blood off, until the scars had virtually vanished, and he glared at Hobbes.

"We're out of time, and you've failed the quiz. I'm sorry."

"You couldn't help it."

"Thanks."

"Your welcome."

"It's called the Red Batch of Courage, Hobbes, because it takes a batch of courage to acquire all these scars. One of these days, maybe you'll win some."

"Not if I can help it."

"WHAT!"

"I said... oh boy. Scars. Blood. Scabs. Just what I always wanted on my nose."

"It'll come. Just be patient."

"Yeah right. There's an alien flying towards us."

"What?"

Hobbes pointed in front of him.

Calvin looked up.

One of the aliens was flying right for Calvin.

"YAAAAAAAH!" Calvin screamed.

POW!

The alien and Calvin collided, and Calvin suddenly felt that he was airborne.

Calvin tumbled down the alien's back, then grabbed hold of his strap.

Well, the rocket didn't like _that_, so it bucked and spewed fire, and attempted to throw Calvin off.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_**" Calvin and the alien screamed as they flew around circles, semicircles, squares, rectangles, triangles, figure eights, spirals, zigzags, ovals, and so on.

Hobbes watched from the table.

Meanwhile, Dave collided with Earl who slammed into Lenny who crashed into Rupert...

Well, Calvin certainly did a good job disrupting their flight pattern.

Then the alien that Calvin was attached to started whirling towards the table.

Just as they were over it, Calvin released the strap, and went tumbling to the table.

Oh, and he crashed landed into the pile of grapes sending grapes everywhere.

When Calvin emerged he saw that all the aliens had crashed into the floor.

Calvin turned a grin onto Hobbes.

"Well, that was fun." Calvin said.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Just then, there was a low rumbling sound.

Calvin and Hobbes spun around, expecting to the see the deadly black widow.

HUH!

Mom was home!

And her car was pulling into the driveway!

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"We can't let Mom see us like _this!_" Calvin screamed. "We have to get off the table!"

"WAIT!" Hobbes yelled. "If we can get your Mom's attention, then she'll get the shrink ray out of the attic and save us!"

Calvin's eyes blanked out.

"Wait a minute, Hobbes! I have an idea! Why don't we just sit on the table, and call for Mom! She can get the Shrinker for us, and save us!"

"Gosh, I never would have thought that." Hobbes said.

"Exactly!" Calvin yelled. "Come on, we must alert the mother of the alien invasion!"

Calvin and Hobbes ran to the edge of the table.

The door in the kitchen came open, and Mom came in, holding a bag of groceries.

"CALVIN!" She called. "Where are you? Come on!"

"MOM!" Calvin screamed. "MOM I'M ON THE TABLE!"

"**_CALVIN! GET DOWN HERE!_**"

"HEY!" Hobbes screamed. "we're on the table!"

But Mom didn't hear Calvin and Hobbes' cries of help.

As the aliens on the floor dove for cover as Mom walked past, Calvin and Hobbes continued to call.

Mom was coming closer to the table, still holding the bag.

"MOM!" Calvin screamed. "THE TABLE! I'VE BEEN SHRUNK! I'VE BEEN COMPACTED! REDUCED! DECREASED! DWINDLED! CONTRACTED! COMPRESSED! CONSTRICT..."

_HUH!_

You'll never guess what Mom did then.


	8. Mom Comes Home

_SHE DROPPED THE BAG ON TOP OF CALVIN AND HOBBES' HEADS!_

RI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-IP!

Both were unhurt, but the paper bag was ripped, when it came down on their heads, and all at once, both of found themselves trapped in the bag.

Mom reached into the bag and began pulling things out.

Calvin and Hobbes leaped from Mom's way, as she grabbed the pickle jar, potato chips, and pack of soda.

After the bag was empty, she picked it up, and proceced to fold it up.

Calvin and Hobbes were instantly crushed under the paper.

Luckily for Calvin and Hobbes, Mom never threw paper bags away. She saved them for several reasons. But I can't go into detail, right now.

She folded the bag up, and placed it in a drawer.

She closed the drawer up, and walked away, leaving Calvin and Hobbes trapped inside.

* * *

Meanwhile, the aliens had retreated to a hole in the wall.

Or at least the crew had.

Rupert and Earl were outside somewhere, trying to put all the wires in their rocket packs back in place.

The crew was hiding in a mouse hole.

However, the alleged mouse wasn't home at the moment, making it the perfect hideout for the crew.

Dave had come up with the feeble-minded idea to make a campfire, and tell scary stories, since it was so dark.

Nobody could find a fire, so they settled for a piece cheese laying next to the wall.

I won't go into details about their moronic stories.

I will say only the titles of their stories.

Night of the Really, Really Slippery Banana Peal, Count Peanut Butter, and Dawn of the Porkchop.

Please note that all their stories involve food. I shall say no more on the subject.

In the middle of _Alfred the Alien's THE BIRD FEATHERS,_ Rupert and Earl came into the mouse hole, and interrupted them.

"Alright." Rupert said, "We have the rocket packs running, again."

The aliens stared at them.

"Does this mean we have to go?" Lenny asked.

"Yes, it means we have to go!" Earl screamed. "We _have_ to get to that shrink ray before the Earth Potentate does!"

"But we were right in the middle of our story." Whined Tim.

Rupert and Earl gave them all deadly glares.

"_Get up._" Rupert growled.

Reluctantly, the aliens got up, and strapped their rocket packs back on.

"OK." Earl said. "Telling you to turn your rockets off when you loose control doesn't seem to work. So we'll try this."

Earl grabbed Biff by his shirt collar.

"If any of you do that again," He threatened. "I'll shove you all into the cracks in the wall, and leave you for the mice!"

The crew exchanged glances, then nodded.

Earl released Biff's shirt, but the impression from his clenched fist remained there.

"Alright." Earl said. "Let's move out."

"Ya know, we could get rid of Cilvan, then we wouldn't have any trouble getting to that shrinky thing." Jay muttered to Danny.

Earl, however, overheard this.

"What kind of competition could we possibly have with the Earth Potentate?" He asked, turning to Jay. "We're advanced. He's not. We have jet packs. He doesn't. We have ray guns. He has CD players. What kind of trouble could we possibly have with this kid?"

Rupert and Earl exchanged glances.

"On the other hand," Rupert said. "Even if we got to the shrink ray, the Earth Potentate could still make another one, despite his size."

Earl took that into consideration.

"Well, this changes everything." He said.

Rupert turned to Jay.

"Very well," He said. "We will destroy the Earth Potentate, then take the Shrink Ray."

"I didn't mean it as a suggestion." Jay said.

"Shut up." Earl spat. "Come on. We need to find the Earth Potentate, before..."

Earl was cut off by a low growling.

The alien's yellow compound eyes all bulged, then they turned to see what was growling.

Hmmmm...

It appeared to a...

Well, a mouse.

It was glaring at them with big white eyes, and had, uh, pretty sharp teeth that you don't usually take into thoughtfulness when your full height.

Rupert, Earl, and the crew all stared at the mouse with wide unblinking eyes.

Carl the alien was the first to speak.

"I didn't know hamsters got that big on this planet."

More idiocy, in other words.

Rupert and Earl slowly reached for their ray guns.

The mouse growled at them.

Rupert and Earl whipped out their ray guns, and started firing.

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

The mouse ducked the blasts, then with a fling from his mighty paw, it whacked the ray guns out of their hands.

The guns landed fifty feet away.

Rupert and Earl exchanged glances, then started backing away.

The mouse was closing in on them.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were struggling against the bag, and trying to get out.

After twenty minutes of struggling against the bag, Hobbes decided he wanted to notch it down to level one, and just cut a hole into it with his claws.

Calvin had a lot to say about that. And most of it was expressed in screaming and throwing arms in all directions format.

After a while, though, they decided to turn to the task at hand; getting out of the drawer.

They stared at the huge unopenable door in front on them.

Calvin scratched his chin.

"Well, this one's gonna be hard." he said.

"How do you propose that we open it?"

"No idea." Calvin said. "My MTM is burnt out completely, And I don't see anything else around us that will help."

Calvin cut his eyes from side to side.

"Unless..."

"Oh-oh." Hobbes said. "He's getting an idea, folks, get your chair and whip ready."

Calvin rushed over to the back of the drawer, and put his plan into action.


	9. Attack of the Killer Broom

When the crew finally found out that they were in danger, they started running around circles, screaming their heads off, and running into each other.

The mouse attacked.

Rupert and Earl leaped into the sky, activated their jet packs, and attempted to get out of the mouse hole.

The mouse swiped at the aliens, and blocked their only exit.

It squeaked, dangerously.

Which is weird, because squeaks aren't usually intimidating like that.

Rupert and Earl leapt from the way, as the mouse tried to bring its paw down on top of them.

Meanwhile, the crew continued to scream and yell like a bunch of maniacs.

"How are we going to get away from this thing!" Earl screamed over the deafening squeak.

"I hope the Earth Potentate's mother doesn't get mad about this." Rupert said. "But on a more truthful note, I really don't care."

Rupert pulled his ray gun out, and pointed it at the wall.

_**BOOM!**_

There was a crumbling, and a collapsing sound, and part of the wall vanished in a blast of smoke.

After Rupert and Earl had gathered their lunatic crew together, they rushed out of the mouse hole.

The killer mouse let out a terrible squeak, and reared up onto his hind legs.

* * *

"What are we going to do?" Hobbes asked. 

"We'll make as much noise as we can." Calvin said. "and when Mom opens the drawer, we'll use a catapult and fly out!"

"Where are we going to find a catapult?"

"I'm going to make one."

"How?"

"No idea."

"Great."

"OK, I have a better idea. We'll make some stairs with this paper."

Calvin started crumbling the paper up, and pushing it against the edge of the drawer.

He winked at Hobbes.

Hobbes blinked.

Then Calvin took a deep breath in, and let out the loudest screech he could muster.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHH!_**"

Calvin screamed for twenty minutes.

Finally, he had to stop to catch his breath.

"She... didn't... hear... us." He panted.

"Maybe it's because we're so small."

"And I have a suspicion that's it's because of our size."

"Gosh, I never would of thought of that."

"Nor would I." Calvin gasped. "But for you see, it is impossible for an giant to hear the pleas of an ant."

"Gee whiz."

"And when Rupert and Earl reach the shrink ray, unshrink themselves, and destroy the world, you'll think 'gee whiz'."

Calvin leaned against the wall, and panted.

"We have to find another way out of here." He gasped.

"Well, we might try climbing out that crack at the top of the drawer." Hobbes said.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at a sliver of light at the top of the drawer.

Calvin turned a glare onto Hobbes.

"Hobbes, you amaze me."

"Thanks."

"That's no complement."

"Uh oh."

"How long did you know about that crack?"

"I dunno, half an hour."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just wanted to save it for when you ran out of bonehead ideas."

"You're incredible." Calvin hissed, his eyes narrowing.

"Thanks."

"Your welcome. Let's get out of here."

Calvin and Hobbes spent the next few minutes climbing up the paper.

Soon, though, they reached the top, and climbed out of the drawer.

They jumped down onto the ground.

"Okay." Calvin said. "That's more like it. Let's just hope Rupert and Earl haven't gotten closer to the Shrink Ray."

"They're not."

"How do you know?"

"I can see them."

At that very moment, blasts of plasma sent the floor next to Calvin and Hobbes exploding upward.

Calvin's head shot up.

Rupert and Earl were all twisting through the sky with evil grins on their faces, and they were dropping bombs onto the floor.

The crew was behind them, but they weren't grinning evilly, or throwing bombs at Calvin and Hobbes.

Calvin and Hobbes leaped from the way as the bombs exploded on the floor next to them.

"THEY'RE COMING! RUN, HOBBES!"

"You don't have to worry about that."

There was explosion of orange, and Hobbes suddenly vanished.

Rupert and Earl started throwing blast after blast of fire at Calvin.

Calvin jumped under the table.

The Earl hovered over the table, pumping up his ray gun, and Rupert bolted down to where Calvin was running.

Rupert landed, and started firing ray gun blasts at Calvin.

Calvin jumped behind a chair leg.

The blast hit the chair leg, causing a rather large smoking hole to appear.

Well, that was about all Calvin needed to know about Zokian Weaponry.

He zoomed away from Rupert, and attempted to get into the livingroom.

He found Hobbes hiding behind the left table leg.

After Earl had his gun pumped up, he flew downward towards his target, and started firing repeatedly.

Calvin and Hobbes were almost at the livingroom, when...

All at once this loud wind like sound filled the air.

Calvin suspected this to be another one of Rupert's weapons when he found out that Mom was back in the kitchen.

And she was sweeping.

"Whoops." Calvin muttered.

Mom was sweeping everything into a pile, and the broom was making a loud wind like sound.

However, a broom was the least of Calvin and Hobbes' worries, because Rupert and Earl suddenly appeared in front of them.

"Say goodbye, Earth Potentate!" Rupert screeched, holding his glowing ray gun up. "Any last words?"

"Yeah." Calvin said. "How dignified is it to get killed by a broom? Tell the truth, now."

Rupert and Earl stared at Calvin.

"I don't know." Rupert said. "Not very."

"I sure will miss my pride." Calvin sighed. "Him and I have been together for ages."

Before Rupert or Earl could reply, Calvin and Hobbes were both engulfed by Mom's broom.

The blast of wind from the broom send Rupert and Earl tumbling backwards.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed, tangling themselves up in the bristles.

"He's getting away!" Rupert screeched, leaping back into the air. "AFTER HIM!"

Mom walked across the kitchen, sweeping the dust and shrunk humans up.

She was approaching the door.

Mom opened the door to outside, and swept everything out the door, sending Calvin and Hobbes flying.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_**"

Both Calvin and Hobbes landed in the bushes.

* * *

"He's outside!" Rupert said. "Come on!" 

There was a blast of wind, and Rupert and Earl zoomed for the front door, leaving the crew behind in the dust.

But before Rupert and Earl reached the door, Mom closed it, and walked back in.

CRASH! BANG!

Both aliens collided with the door.

"Drat." Earl said, as they sunk to the floor.

The crew floated up to them.

They stared down at Rupert and Earl laying on the floor.

"Lenny, Is it nap time?" Alex asked.

Lenny shrugged.

Rupert picked himself up, and glared at the crew.

"When I have the world taken over, you'll be the first one on my list of people to destroy."

"Gee thanks." Alex said.

"Shut up." Rupert spat. "We have to find another way outside."

At that very moment, the aliens all heard a low growling sound.

They all spun around to see a deadly black widow spider staring at them with hungry eyes.

The aliens all stared, transfixed.

Then, Lenny spoke.

"Gee, that looks a little like my pet Zompeair back home."

"It does?" Alex asked.

"Yeah I even gave him a name: Pete."

"Neat."

"Yeah, good ol' Pete. Wonder what he's up to right now."

They obviously were totally oblivious to the danger around them.

As usual.

Rupert and Earl exchanged wide eyed glances.

"You have got to be kidding me." Earl muttered.

* * *

Calvin stuck his head out the bushes. 

He looked around in all directions.

He rubbed his chin in thought.

"Hmm," he observed, "trees, grass, bushes... OH NO!"

"What?" Hobbes asked, standing up, and working a crick out of his back.

Calvin spun around.

"WE'RE OUTSIDE!" He screamed. "RUPERT AND EARL ARE INSIDE! THE SHRINKER'S INSIDE! WE'RE NOT INSIDE! THEY ARE INSIDE! THEY CAN GET TO THE SHRINKER! WE CAN'T! WE'RE DOOMED! THEY'RE NOT!"

"Please stop screaming, you're beginning to give me a headache."

"Sorry." Calvin said in a normal tone.

Hobbes looked out at the scenery around him.

"Uh huh." He said. And he left it at that.

Calvin rushed out of the bush and into the middle of the yard.

In plain sight I might add.

"Now what are we going to do?" Calvin asked, throwing his arms into the air.

Hobbes walked up.

"Well, we might as well try to get back into the house." He said.

"We'll never be able to get to the Shrink Ray in time!" Calvin yelled. "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!"

"CAW!"

At that very moment, a red tailed hawk reached out of the sky, grabbed Calvin and Hobbes in each foot, and flew away with them.

Hobbes blinked.

Then turned to Calvin

"Well, we might try this out." He said.

Calvin's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"Oh for crying out loud." He muttered.

And with that, the deadly, hungry red tailed hawk transported him and Hobbes away into the great unknown!


	10. Getting Outside

Rupert and Earl stared wide eyed at the spider which was glaring at them with it's horrible compound eyes.

They exchanged glances.

"Do Earth spiders have poison?" Earl asked.

"I believe some of them do, yes." Rupert replied

"Uh huh."

The crew, of course, were paying no attention to the spider, figuring it was a harmless little something or other.

But when they saw their leaders activated their jet packs zoomed out off there, they decided they had better things to do than gawk at a deadly spider.

They panicked, in other words, and lost control of their rocket packs.

Again.

The crew went flying in all directions, screaming their heads off, and colliding with the retreating Rupert and Earl.

Why on Earth did the aliens insist on crashing into their bosses? It was a question Rupert and Earl would never be able to answer.

Well, The aliens lost control, and slammed into Rupert and Earl.

"HEY!" Rupert screamed. "GET OFF OF ME!"

Tim's strap got caught in Rupert's strap, and all at once, Tim's rocket was in control.

Actually there was no control.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Rupert and Tim screamed, spiraling for the window.

SHATTER!

The result was like throwing a rock at the window.

All the glass exploded outward and fell onto the grass in tiny shards, Rupert and Tim along with it.

Seeing his king being thrown around, Earl swatted Lenny off of him, regained control of his rocket pack, and bolted for the window.

The alien crew attempted to gain control of their packs again, and when they finally did, they followed Earl.

Earl was tempted to tell them to go play with the spider, but he decided he'd need Calvin outnumbered.

Mom ran into the kitchen.

She was holding a dirty rag in one hand, and a Windex window cleaner in the other. She was sweating, and was wearing a red bandanna on her forehead.

Her eyes fell on the broken window.

Oops.

Her eyes bulged and turned to fire, she sprouted fangs where her nice white teeth used to be, smoke bellowed out her nose, her nostrils took on the shape of cobras, and she screeched, "CALVIN! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!"

Hoo boy.

Rupert, Earl, and the crew all collapsed to the ground.

When they looked up, they saw fragments of pointed glass hurling towards them.

"Eek." Erne squeaked.

Before the aliens were instantly killed from the glass, however, Rupert pulled a jet black cube out of his pocket.

He tossed it at the ground, and told everyone to huddle together.

FOOM!

The cube burst open, and a red energy field surrounded the aliens.

The glass shattered and exploded when it hit the field, and the aliens emerged, unharmed.

"Alright." Rupert said, deactivating the field, and raising into the air. "The Earth Potentate is out here somewhere. Split up, and search for him."

"What's that thing?" Asked Alex, pointing at the sky.

Rupert and Earl looked up.

"It's a bird." Earl said. "now, Erne, you go that way, Alex you go..."

"Wait a minute." Rupert scowled.

He pushed a button on his sunglasses.

Magnifiers shot out of the sides of the glasses, and piled up in front of Rupert's eyes.

The hawk came into focus. Rupert spotted two red and orange specks in the hawk's talons.

The magnifiers drew back into Rupert's sunglasses.

"The hawk has him! Let's go!"

Rupert blasted off. Earl activated his pack and zoomed off after his king. The crew struggled to find out how to start their rockets, and totally lost control, again.

* * *

Meanwhile, the hawk was carrying Calvin and Hobbes farther and farther away from their home. 

"This is just great!" Calvin yelled. "Here we are stuck on a bird, and we're being hauled off to some awful place where a bunch of stupid chicks will gobble us down like worms! Could this day get any worse!"

Hobbes looked behind the hawk's tail feathers.

"Yes. Look behind you." He said.

Calvin looked behind him.

There were two evilly grinning aliens blasting after the hawk with an insane crew behind him.

"Well, gang's all here." Calvin muttered.

Hobbes looked downward.

"Hmmm, this is interesting." He said. "Maybe if we can get the hawk to drop us we'll land on one of these houses."

"How are we going to get the hawk to drop us?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes hit the switch blade in his paws and his claws shot out.

He lightly scratched the leg of the hawk. Hard enough to get its attention but not hard enough to cause any pain.

The hawk made that screeching sound that hawks make, and opened it's feet.

Calvin and Hobbes hung suspended in the air for a moment.

"Well, I hadn't thought of this." Hobbes said.

"Brilliant, genius." Calvin growled.

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes started falling.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed, hanging onto each other as they fell.

They bounced off a Direct TV dish, rolled down a roof, and landed in the gutter.

Calvin looked up.

"HEY!" He yelled. "We're alive!"

"Are you sure?"

"Really sure! Look where we landed!"

Hobbes cracked one eye.

He looked all around the gutter where they had landed.

"I was better off with my eyes closed." He muttered.

"Maybe if we go into this house, we'll find someone who will help us!"

"Yeah right."

"Come on! Let's try and climb through the window!"

And with that, Calvin started climbing out of the gutter.

"YEEK!" Hobbes yelled. "GET DOWN!"

Calvin's head shot up.

Whoops.

Aliens.

Calvin ducked back into the gutter.

They peeked over the side, and watched Rupert and Earl pass them, followed by the crew.

Calvin wiped sweat from his brow, and sighed.

"Whew! What a relief! They're still following the hawk. They think it still has us!"

"Wow, that was convenient." Hobbes said.

"Tell me about it. Now come on, let's try and get into this house."

And with that, they started climbing out of the gutter, into the unknown person's house.


	11. Chasing the Hawk

Rupert and Earl continued chasing the hawk.

Which wasn't easy.

The hawk would make sharp turns every few seconds, and Rupert and Earl would have to do the same.

Now this was no big deal for Rupert and Earl, their jet packs could handle anything.

However, when sharp turns were made by the _crews'_ jet packs, they...

Do I really need to say more? I don't think I do.

And so, the aliens continued to follow the hawk.

Soon, the hawk reached its nest, and landed.

Rupert and Earl halted.

The crew ran into them.

And then lost control of their packs.

This time, however, Rupert and Earl ignored them, and tried to dodge them as they spoke.

"The Earth Potentate has to be in there." Rupert said, ducking as a deranged alien flew over his head.

"Let's go in, and get rid of him, once and for all." Earl grinned, showing his razor sharp white teeth.

Rupert and Earl started to move in on the nest, wide grins plastered all over their faces.

The hawk's eyes shot at them like bullets.

"CAW!" It screeched, snapping at them with its beak.

"HEY!" Earl screamed dodging the bite.

"CAW! CAW!" The hawk shrieked, blocking the nest with its wings, and starting to move its feet restlessly.

Rupert gave the hawk a glare.

"Get out of here!" he yelled. "We have a planet leader to destroy!"

The hawk, however, had no interest in Rupert's weird ideas.

It cawed again, rose into the air, and started snapping at the aliens, again.

Rupert spun around ninety degrees to the left, and the hawk bolted past him.

"Missed!" Rupert taunted. "Earl! Get the Earth Potentate! I'll take care of Polly, here."

Earl blasted towards the nest.

Rupert thought he could hold the hawk off.

He couldn't.

The hawk screeched, again, swatting the alien out of the way, and zoomed towards Earl.

Right before he reached the nest, perched ever so perfectly on the cottonwood tree, A long shadow fell over Earl.

He looked up.

A giant red tailed hawk was glaring down at him.

Earl blinked.

Compared to the hawk, Earl was a bug.

"Um." Earl started. "Would now be a good to leave?"

The hawk grabbed Earl in its talons, and flung him away.

Guess where he landed?

Earl landed smack into Biff the alien.

He instantly lost control of his jet pack.

And as if setting off a chain reaction, all the _other_ aliens lost control of _their_ jet packs.

Boy, this joke is getting old, isn't it?

The hawk screeched and squawked, and refused to let an alien get close to her nest.

Whenever an alien got in range, WACK! She would swat him away with her wing.

This constant collision with the bird wasn't helping Earl's crew regain control over their packs.

Finally, when the hawk was busy with Lenny, Earl flew forward and peeked into the nest.

HUH!

Empty?

It was empty! There were three eggs there, but that was it!

"Rupert!" Earl screamed. "We've been sent on a fool's errand! This nest is empt... OOF!"

The hawk slapped Earl away.

Earl collided with Rupert.

"What's wrong with the nest?" Rupert growled, his eyes narrowed to slits.

"It's empty!" Earl snarled. "The hawk must have dropped them a while back."

"So why are we still _here_!" Rupert demanded.

"Ya know, I was kinda wondering that, myself." Luke said, as he bolted past them.

"Come on!" Earl screamed at his crew. "We have to go!"

The crew still couldn't gain control of their rockets.

Earl's teeth gritted, and he growled.

"**_FREE MILKSHAKES!_**" He screamed.

Now get this.

All at once, the crew immediately gained control of their rockets, and lined up perfectly in front of Rupert and Earl.

And there they floated, giving Rupert and Earl their usual simple grins.

They gave the lunatic aliens before them withering glares.

"Alright." Rupert scowled. "Have any of you morons seen the Earth Potentate being dropped, and you just weren't speaking up?"

There was a moment of silence, in which the crew whispered to each other.

Then, a tentacle went into the air.

"Where is he, Lace?" Rupert growled, through gritted teeth. "I want the full report for what happened."

"Oh my gosh. The full report." Lace said. "Well, let me think here."

He thought.

Then he stated his report.

**My Report**

_By Lace the alien_

Well, let's see here. I was flying around. The sun was shining. It was pretty hot, and I stopped to get a drink. A bird flew past, and landed on a tree. I saw two crickets and a grasshopper. Then I saw one grasshopper and two crickets.

Maybe they were the same ones. I get confused, sometimes.

And then, I flew around some more. Life gets pretty boring on hot days. I've always liked winter better than summer. Summertime always seems so hot.

We're still in the month of April, and summertime isn't here yet, but I still say Summer's too hot.

Oh yeah, that's when I saw it. Boy was I shocked. I wondered who did such a horrible thing!

Anyway, that's my report.

There was a long throbbing moment of silence.

Rupert and Earl stared at Lace for a long time, trying to make sense out of his... whatever it was.

Call it a report if you like.

Rupert's head fell to his chest, and Earl slapped his forehead.

"Lace," Earl said, calmly. "That had nothing to do with what we told you to tell us. You gave us what you were muttering to yourself while you were flying! WE WANT TO KNOW WHERE CALVIN IS!"

"I told you." Lace said. "I think. The house was..."

"You did _not_ tell us where he was. You gave us rubbish!"

"Oh."

"Now where is he! Didn't you just say something about a house?"

"Well, let me think here."

Rupert stuck his nose into Lace's face, and screamed, "YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT A HOUSE, YOU LITTLE MORON! WHERE IS THE SUPREME EARTH POTENTATE!"

Lace shriveled back.

"Don't yell at me! It makes me think you don't like me."

"You're driving me insane, is all! Did you find Calvin! OUT WITH IT!"

"Yes, yes! I did! That's why I gave you the report!"

Rupert closed his eyes and sighed.

"Lace?" He said calmly. "You made a report that said nothing about Calvin or a house. For the last time, did you see Calvin?"

He nodded.

"Yeah, I was shocked. I knew you'd want to know."

Rupert turned away from the little lunatic.

"You knew I wanted to know, so you wrote a report that said nothing about it. Right?"

"I guess I forgot."

"I guess you did."

Rupert turned away, placed a hand on his face, and sighed.

"Now, for the last time. Where did Calvin go?"

"The hawk dropped him." Lace said. "That's why I wrote the report. He landed on one of the houses."

Rupert spun back to Lace.

"Finally!" he yelled. "The truth is revealed! Did you get the address?"

"No."

Rupert's eyes slammed shut.

"Never mind." he snarled. "Let's just go back into the neighborhood, and scan the area for him."

And with that, Rupert and Earl blasted off, the crew right behind them.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were having no luck getting into the house. They had reached the window pane, don't ask _me_ how, but all of a sudden, they found that the window was shut.

Hobbes turned to Calvin.

"OK, genius, what do we do now?"

Calvin studied the window.

"Well, Hobbes, the window appears to be shut."

"Gee whiz, I hadn't noticed." Hobbes said, sarcastically.

"And we won't be strong enough to open it ourselves."

"Gosh." Hobbes muttered.

"We're going to have to find another way in, or else just wait for someone to open the window."

Suddenly, Hobbes heard the sound of spewing fire.

He looked behind him, and saw... uh oh... Rupert and Earl had spotted them, and had come down to get them!

Hobbes' eyes popped open.

"Ya, know, Calvin, I'm suddenly feeling this burst of energy, and I think I could probably manage to get the window open."

Calvin looked behind his shoulder.

His eyes bulged.

"Yeah, me too." He said.

They leaped in front of the window, and started heaving the humongous window.

At first they got nothing.

Rupert and Earl were almost on top of them, when, slowly but surely, the window started to rise.

When it was open wide enough for them to enter, Calvin and Hobbes darted inside the house.

SLAMM!

The window slammed, and shook, slightly.

Rupert and Earl halted in front of the window.

And then the rest of the crew ran into Rupert and Earl.

The little dumbies.

Calvin and Hobbes stood on the opposite sides of the window, and stuck their tongues out at the crowd of aliens.

"HA!" Calvin yelled. "Take that! And just remember that your no better than a flying jellybean!"

The aliens all stared at him.

"Very well." Rupert growled. "We'll all wait out at the front."

The aliens all flew away.

Calvin and Hobbes watched them go.

Calvin turned to Hobbes.

"Gee, that was easy." Calvin said.

"Yeah." Hobbes said. "Now how are we going to get down?"

Calvin looked down.

Whoops.

They were marooned on the window pane.

Calvin and Hobbes stared off into the room.

"Well, this is awkward." Calvin said.

"How are we going to get down?" Hobbes asked.

"Hey look!" Calvin said, pointing. "There's a piece of string!"

"Gee, how convenient." Hobbes said.

Calvin and Hobbes rushed over to the string, and started climbing down.

"Why can't we live a normal life?" Hobbes moaned.


	12. Unexpected Help

Calvin and Hobbes climbed down from the window.

They landed on a desk. Well, they thought it was a desk. They couldn't really tell it was covered with so much stuff.

Shall I list off what was on the desk?

Three dirty socks, yesterday's newspaper, two whoopee cushions, a glove, a half eaten tuna sandwich, a fake dollar bill, a pile of papers, a cup with pencils in it, a CD player, a watch, two erasers, a blue plastic bowl, a pair of headphones, a printer cartridge, a lid, lip stick, a whistle, a coffee mug, a unmarked VHS, two wires, a pocket watch, a half eaten blueberry muffin, a pair of scissors, and a rock.

And that was only the first layer.

Calvin and Hobbes climbed down the string, and fell onto the desk.

"Oo-kay." Hobbes said. "Now what?"

Calvin jumped onto the chair, then onto the floor.

Hobbes followed suit.

The floor, unlike the desk was very clean.

And whoever owned this house must have been very rich.

Sitting on the floor next to them, was a huge canopy bed. On this canopy bed, there was a pile of comic books. One of them was open, and on the bed.

There appeared to be a very expensive carpet on the floor where they now stood. It was very fancy. And yet, weird. Do you know why? It started out red, then went to blue, then green, then yellow, then orange, then white. OK, now, hands up, how many people do you know have multi-colored carpets like that? I didn't think so.

There were also a complete entertainment center in the middle of the room! No kidding! There was a HD plasma television, surround sound, a DVD/VHS/CD player, and all of them were a sleek advanced silver color.

Calvin was overwhelmed.

"Why don't _I_ live like this!" He whined. "This place is _perfect!_"

"Gee, we must have landed in a rich guy's house." Hobbes said.

At that very moment, the sound of footsteps reached Calvin and Hobbes' ears.

They panicked.

"SOMEONE'S COMING!" Calvin screamed.

"I KNOW THAT!" Hobbes yelled back.

"UNDER THE BED!"

Calvin and Hobbes darted under the bed, as the doorknob rattled, and whoever it was came in.

Calvin and Hobbes back to the very back into the darkest corner of the room under the bed.

They watched a pair of white sneakers walk across the room, then leap onto the bed with a loud BOING!

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

Then the whoever spoke. Actually, he was humming to himself.

"Mm-hmmhmm mmm hhmm hmmm hhmmm. Hmmmmm mmmm hmmm."

Hobbes recognized that voice.

"Calvin!" He yelled. "That's Socrates' voice!"

"When did Socrates start wearing white sneakers?" Calvin asked.

"Those weren't sneakers. Those were his feet. They just looked like sneakers."

"Ah." Calvin said.

"This is great, Calvin!" Hobbes said, excitedly. "We're in Socrates' house."

"Why does Socrates get a cool entertainment center?" Calvin complained.

"Who cares!" Hobbes yelled in glee. "Let's go get him!"

Hobbes rushed towards the end of the bed.

Calvin muttered and grumbled, and followed.

When they both reached the edge of the bed, they started yelling.

"SOCRATES! SOCRATES, LOOK DOWN! IT'S CALVIN AND HOBBES! WE'VE BEEN SHRUNK! THERE ARE A BUNCH OF DERANGED ALIENS AFTER US! HELP!"

Socrates didn't even hear them. He was too busy humming his masterpiece.

"**_SOCRATES!_**" Calvin and Hobbes screamed in unison.

Still no response.

"This is hopeless." Panted Calvin. "That dumb tiger's not going to get up."

"Hold on a minute..." Hobbes thought out loud. "Empty your pockets."

Calvin pulled out his MTM.

"Hobbes, this wont work." he said. "The MTM doesn't operate at all."

"Let me see it."

Hobbes pushed the Main Menu button.

A wavy hologram shot out.

********

W C

That's all that was on the hologram.

Hobbes closed the Main Menu down. Goody, goody it worked.

Hobbes set his mouth to the end of the MTM.

Calvin stared at him.

Hobbes took a deep breath in, and screamed, "**_SOC-RA-TE-E-E-E-E-E-E-ES!_**"

The MTM magnified Hobbes' voice to an insane level.

Socrates leaped six feet into the air, bumped his head on the canopy, and landed on the floor, his head three feet from Calvin and Hobbes.

Hobbes handed Calvin his MTM.

"There ya go." He said.

When Socrates' eyes came into focus, they fixed on Calvin and Hobbes.

He stared at them.

"Uh..." He started. "Well. This is new."

"Socrates!" Hobbes called. "It's us! Calvin's used another one of his Death Trap inventions to shrink us!"

"What?" Socrates asked, sitting up.

"Long story short." Calvin shouted. "I make Shrink Ray. Rupert and Earl discover shrink ray, alien crew shrinks us and them. We're in trouble. They have jet packs. We don't. Please help us."

Socrates blinked, several times.

Then, he finally came to the realization to what happened.

A wide mischievous grin spread across his face.

"Hey!" he yelled. "Calvin! I can take the pranks I pulled on some ants yesterday, and do them to _you!_"

Calvin's eyes popped open.

"_WHAT!_" Calvin screamed.

"Plus, I can use you as an action figure!"

Socrates bent down, and studied Calvin.

"You don't have much of the action figure style." He decided. "Do you think you could shrink a Kleenex, and tie it around your neck you it looks like a cape?"

"Socrates! This is serious!" Calvin yelled. "The world is in danger!"

"Well, what do you expect me to do about it?" Socrates asked.

"If you can carry us to our house, and take us to the attic, then you get the _Mega-Shrinker 5000_, and unshrink us."

"I see." Socrates said, rubbing his chin. "And, what's in this for me?"

Calvin blinked.

"Nothing!" he said, finally. "If you don't help us, then Rupert and Earl will kill us, and you won't have anyone to prank anymore!"

_That_ got Socrates' attention.

His ears shot up, his eyes popped open, his tail stiffened, and his mouth dropped three inches.

Then he regained himself, and bent down to Calvin and Hobbes' levels. Which wasn't easy, by the way, since they were below Socrates' chin.

"Where did you say this Mega Shrinker thing was?" he asked, scooping them up in his white paws.

"The attic!" Hobbes called. "And let's hurry before Rupert and Earl get to it!"

"Very well." Socrates said. "Hang on."

"To what?" Calvin asked. "Your fingers?"

Socrates didn't reply.

He drew a foot back, and raced forward, towards the door.

"YAAAAAH!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed tumbling down Socrates' palm, and finally grabbing hold of his thumbs.

"Wait!" Hobbes yelled. "Rupert and Earl are waiting out at the front! We have to go out the back!"

"Yes, sir." Socrates said.

He made a detour around the livingroom, and raced into the utility room.

He kicked the door open, and raced out.

* * *

Meanwhile, Rupert, Earl, and the crew were waiting outside behind the front door. 

The crew was getting bored.

"Why couldn't we just take over _another_ planet?" Erne moaned.

"I dunno, maybe Rupert and Earl like the animal life." Dave replied.

"Will you shut up, already!" Earl yelled.

"Sure thing, Earl." Danny said. "except I didn't say anything."

Earl growled and turned away from his lunatic crew.

"Have you found a way in, yet, Luke?" Rupert demanded.

Luke the alien floated up.

"Well, there's a little crack thingy at the bottom of the door."

"Good. Let's go." Rupert gritted.

He blasted towards the crack between the door and the ground.

CRASH!

Earl and the crew stared at their king.

Luke shrugged.

"I never said we could fit down it." He said.

Rupert rose back up to Luke's level, and pulled a ray gun out of his pocket.

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

"YAAAH!"

Luke screamed, and dove back into the crowd.

Rupert and Earl held their breath, expecting the crew to totally loose control, again, however, this time, they were able to keep control.

That needs to go into the record books.

Just then, Earl spotted something out of the corner of his eye.

He looked around and spotted Socrates running down the sidewalk, Calvin and Hobbes sitting in his palm.

"The red tailed tiger has them!" Earl screamed pointing at Socrates.

Rupert and the crew spun around.

"He's helping them." Rupert growled. "Come on!"

There was a blast of fire and smoke, and Rupert and Earl blasted after Socrates.

The crew stared at Socrates.

"Gee whiz, the tiger's gotten larger since last I've seen them." Jack said.

"No, I think it's another tiger." Bill said, in a dull voice.

"Yeah, I think so." Alfred said. "I can see the red tail."

"That's red?" Alex asked. "Looks like orange to me."

"No, your looking at the other part of the tail." Lenny said. "See? The stripes are orange. The rest of the tail is red."

"No, he's an orange tiger with red stripes!" Erne interjected.

"NO! He's a red tiger with orange stripes!"

At that very moment, Earl flew back up to his crew.

"What are you morons doing!" He screamed.

"Earl!" Lenny yelled, floating up to his captain. "Is he a red tiger with orange stripes or an orange tiger with red stripes!"

Earl's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"How am I supposed to know!" He yelled. "Get over there, and attack them! They're escaping!"

And with that, he blasted off, again.

The crew paused for a moment.

Then they followed.

"I still say it's red with orange stripes." Lenny muttered.


	13. Back Inside the House

"Oo-kay!" Socrates said, continuing to run. "Once we reach your attic, I just set it to unshrink, and blast you, huh?"

"Yeah, that's about it." Calvin said.

"Isn't it odd that Rupert and Earl haven't attacked in a while?" Hobbes asked.

"No."

"AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Calvin and Hobbes looked behind them, and saw Rupert flinging bombs and electric things at Socrates.

"Socrates, do you think you could shift into second gear?" Hobbes asked.

Socrates looked behind him, and saw the aliens rocketing towards him, laughing their heads off.

"Hmmm, maybe that _would_ be a good idea."

Socrates started pushing his legs, as fast as they would go.

He placed Calvin and Hobbes on his shoulder, told them to hang on, and started pumping his arms so he'd go faster.

Calvin and Hobbes hung on, alright.

They took firm grips on Socrates' fur, and planted their feet on his shoulder.

Rupert and Earl both reached towards their jet packs, and flipped a switch from FAST to FASTER.

The fire in their engines started shooting out harder, and propelled them forward.

Then, Earl took a small cylinder, and flung it at Socrates.

It landed on Socrates' back, and stuck there. Then electricity started flowing through it.

"YEAAACK!" Socrates screamed, his eyes bulging and his tongue shooting out of his mouth.

He fell onto the sidewalk, sending Calvin and Hobbes flying.

Socrates struggled and reached behind his back, and finally got the device off.

Then, he turned a glare on the approaching Rupert and Earl.

"_Nobody_ shocks me with electricity unless _I_ tell them too!" He snarled.

He drew back his paw, and sent it flying.

"YAAAH!" Rupert and Earl screamed, trying to stop their jet packs in time.

Too late.

WHACK!

Rupert and Earl went hurling for the crew.

CRASH!

There was the sound of bowling pins, and aliens went flying in all directions.

Oh, and then the crew lost control of their rockets, again.

Socrates turned a satisfied grin on the chaos before him, and turned around.

"Calvin?" He called. "Hobbes? Where are you?"

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes were still flying through the air, screaming their heads off.

When, they started to skid across a lawn, and onto the front step of his house.

"Well, gee, That was befitting." Hobbes said, standing up.

"Yeah, but how are we going to get inside?" Calvin asked.

"Well, perhaps that alien that's screaming towards us will help." Hobbes said.

Calvin looked up.

Dave the alien was spiraling towards Calvin trying to find out how to regain control of his rocket and fling his arms around in all directions at the same time.

"YAAAAH!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed, leaping from the way.

BASH!

There was a cloud of dust, and suddenly, a hole appeared in the door where Dave had crashed.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at it.

Calvin turned to Hobbes and shrugged.

"Well, that was easy." He said.

Calvin and Hobbes climbed in the hole, passed Dave who was trying to get his head out of the wall, and proceeded into the kitchen.

However, oops, the Black Widow spider was waiting for them.

"SCREECH!" It shrieked, it's pinchers snapping.

Calvin and Hobbes screeched to a stop in front of the spider, spun around, and started running in the opposite direction.

The spider roared forward, screeching, and snapping its poison pinchers.

* * *

Meanwhile, Dave had finally used the rockets to get his head out of the wall.

He dusted his tentacles together, and prepared to leave.

BASH! CRASH! SMASH! BOOM! BANG! FOOM! CRING! GIIIIIISH!

At that very moment, the rest of the alien crew exploded through the front door, making a fairly large hole, and all of them crashed into Dave.

They all landed in the wall, again.

* * *

Meanwhile, Socrates was holding Rupert and Earl off.

He had swatted them several times, dodged their ray blasts, and avoiding their electric cylinders.

"This cat is driving me crazy!" Earl screeched. "We don't have this time! The Earth Potentate is in the house, already!"

Rupert told Earl to blast past Socrates before he could swat them.

Which they should have done in the first place.

Rupert and Earl activated their jet packs, and blasted forward.

They zapped past Socrates.

Socrates spun around, and watched them flying towards the house.

"Oh no you don't!" He roared.

He exploded forward after the aliens.

Then, he reached Calvin's doorstep.

Rupert started firing ray gun blasts at Socrates.

Socrates dodged them, and continued to race towards them.

"Well, this is no good." Earl said.

Rupert dove into the hole in the door, and Earl circled in after him.

Socrates reached the door.

He tried the knob.

Darn.

It was locked.

So, Socrates took a step back, and rammed himself into the hole at the bottom of the door.

CRAM!

He got stuck.

Socrates extended his claws on his front feet and back, and started digging his way into the house.

His back legs almost shot up sparks on the sidewalk, and his front claws did a pretty good job tearing up the carpet.

Hoo-boy.

Finally, with a pop, Socrates tumbled into the house, and crashed into the wall.

CRASH!

He made a pretty bad dent in the wall.

He didn't seem to take notice, however, because he had leaped to his feet, and started galloping after the aliens on all fours.

The crew panicked, and started flying around in circles.

Then, they flew off, and Socrates tried to stop.

He spun ninety degrees to the right, and tried to stop.

His claws scraped across the freshly mopped linoleum floor.

SCREEK, SCRACK, SCREEK, SCRACK!

Then, he crashed into the wall, again.

CRASH!

Where was Mom during all this?

Outside, watering her plants.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were still running away from the spider.

The spider was almost on top of them, when Rupert flew up.

"This chaos stops now!" He screamed, holding his ray gun up.

BLAST!

Calvin and Hobbes leaped from the way.

The blast hit a table leg, causing it to burn up, and collapse.

The spider leaped through the air, and crashed into Rupert.

"HEY!" Rupert screamed. "GET OFF OF ME!"

He threw the black widow off, and turned a terrible glare on Calvin.

He was standing next to the shriveled up table leg.

BLAST!

Calvin leaped out of the way.

The blast hit the leg, again, and it completely came off.

This gave Calvin an idea.

He turned, and stuck his tongue out at Rupert.

"Thhibbbbbbbit!" He screamed. "Take that! And furthermore, your ugly!"

Calvin stood next to the table leg.

Rupert took his ray gun, and blasted it as hard as he could.

ZAAAAAAAAAAP!

Calvin leapt from the way, and the blast hit the table leg.

"You must have forgotten how strong I am!" Rupert grinned, evilly, holding his gun up.

"No." Calvin smiled. "But I bet _you_ forgot how smart I am."

He pointed at the table.

Rupert looked up at it.

It was falling on top of him.

"AAAAAA!" Rupert screamed, as the piles of wood collapsed on top of him.

Calvin dusted his hands together.

"Come on, Hobbes!" Calvin called. "We've gotta go!"

Calvin and Hobbes rushed away from the mess.

A hand exploded from the wreckage.

Then another one emerged.

Rupert exploded from the former table, threw his head back, and screamed in anger.

"**_YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_**"

* * *

Meanwhile, Socrates was trying to round all the screaming aliens up.

He would grab two in one hand, then let them go, and grab another two.

He seemed to having a lot of fun.

Earl, however, was not amused by Socrates' fun.

He whipped his ray gun out, and started firing repeatedly at the tiger.

Well, Socrates would have none of _that._

He swatted Earl away, sending his ray gun flying in the other direction.

Earl fell to the floor.

He growled in frustration, and rose back into the air.

Socrates was chasing Erne around a chair, until he spotted Earl coming at him.

He grabbed Erne, and flung him at the ship captain.

CRASH!

Erne and Earl's straps got tangled up, and Erne suddenly lost control of his jet pack.

Socrates watched, with his arms crossed.

"Like chasing flies." He smiled.

But suddenly, he remembered why he had come into the house.

He began scanning the kitchen for some sign of Calvin or Hobbes.

When he saw none, he started running into the livingroom.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were currently on the other side of the livingroom, running towards the stairs that lead to the attic.

Then, Rupert flew into the livingroom.

His eyes were aflame, and his sharp teeth were gritted.

"We better try and go faster, Calvin." Hobbes said.

Calvin was pumping his legs as fast as they'd go.

But Rupert was closing in.

A wide grin was spread across his chrome face.

"Time to die, Earth Potentate." He growled, arming his Ray Gun. "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"


	14. The Attack Under the Couch

Calvin and Hobbes backed themselves into the bottom step.

Rupert was moving in, pumping his ray gun up, and glaring at Calvin and Hobbes with an annoyed look on his face.

There was a moment of silence.

Then, Hobbes spoke.

"Calvin, is there any particular reason why we can't just run away while he's pumping his gun up?"

Calvin's eyes blanked out.

There was a long moment of silence.

"I guess so." He said. "But the director told us to just dramatically stand here."

"Why on Earth does Rupert have a pump up gun away?" Hobbes asked. "I thought they were advanced."

"We are." Rupert grumbled. "We were working on low budget."

"Oh." Calvin and Hobbes said, in unison.

Rupert continued pumping his gun up.

Finally, he finished pumping the gun up, and pointed it at Calvin.

"Alright!" He grinned. "Who wants to die first?"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"He does." Hobbes said, shielding himself with Calvin.

Calvin's head shot around.

"What do you mean, 'I do'?" He demanded. "_You're_ the one that should go first!"

Calvin spun around, and shielded himself with Hobbes.

"No, the morons who make the stupid inventions go out first."

Hobbes grabbed Calvin, and put him in front of his face.

"Age before beauty!"

Calvin pushed Hobbes to the front.

"Lady lovers first!"

Hobbes shoved Calvin out front.

"Scardey cats are always the first!"

At that very moment, Earl came flying up.

"What are they doing now?" He asked.

"Contemplating my question." Rupert muttered.

Soon, Calvin and Hobbes got into a heated argument, which quickly turned to a heated battle.

Calvin and Hobbes rolled around on the ground, biting, kicking, slugging, clawing, and punching each other.

Hobbes slammed Calvin into the step, and Calvin pinned Hobbes to the ground.

They started rolling towards the couch.

Calvin shoved and kicked Hobbes under the couch, and then dove in after him, screaming his head off.

There was a moment of silence.

Rupert and Earl watched.

"Rupert?" Earl asked.

"Yes, Earl?"

"They tricked us, didn't they?"

"Yes, Earl."

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes were under the couch chuckling to themselves.

"Great show, Hobbes, we really fooled them!"

"Yeah, I think it convincing." Hobbes said, dusting himself off.

ZAP!

ZAP!

"Perhaps _too_ convincing." He sighed.

Rupert and Earl were rocketing towards Calvin and Hobbes with horrible expressions on their faces.

Calvin and Hobbes screamed, and ran to the back of the couch.

Like that would do any good.

Rupert and Earl squeezed themselves under the couch.

It was very dark under there.

Pitch black.

So dark, that you could've been able to see better with your eyes closed.

And under there, in the inky darkness of the dark, people were running into each other, and screaming their heads off.

Calvin ran into Hobbes, Hobbes ran into Rupert, Rupert ran into Calvin, and Earl ran into Hobbes.

"OW!"

"YOU STEPPED ON MY FOOT!"

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, BONEHEAD!"

"YEEEK!"

"GET OFF MY TENTACLE!"

"HOBBES! I FOUND SOMEBODY'S TENTACLE!"

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

"GET OFF MY HEAD!"

"OUCH! YOUR STANDING ON MY PAW!"

"WHAT PAW!"

"OUCH!"

"HEY!"

"THE PAIN!"

"GET OFF OF ME!"

There was a click, and a flash of light.

Rupert stood over Calvin and Hobbes, holding a extremely bright blood red Zokian flashlight.

Calvin was hugging Hobbes' head, and Hobbes was trying to get him off.

Rupert and Earl exchanged glances.

"This is going to be so easy." Rupert growled, grinning.

Earl held up his ray gun, and cocked it.

It started humming.

But suddenly, Hobbes flung his leg through the air, and tripped Earl.

BLAST!

Earl stumbled.

The ray went over Calvin's head, and blasted a smoking hole in the couch.

"HEY!" Calvin screamed. "THAT ALMOST HIT ME! I OUGHT TO SUE YOU!"

Hobbes rushed past the two aliens, Calvin still attached to his head, and sprinted out from underneath the couch.

"Come on!" Rupert screamed. "They're getting away!"

Earl leaped to his feet, and developed a poisonous expression.

He looked like he wasn't about to sing Happy Birthday.

Calvin and Hobbes rushed away from the couch, and back to the stairs.

When they reached them, they frantically began to climb up them.

Meanwhile, Rupert and Earl had used their ray guns, had blasted a hole in the couch, and flown out.

The couch now looked pretty ugly.

Very ugly, as a matter of fact.

Oops.

"Gee, maybe Mom won't notice the couch." Calvin considered.

"Yeah right."

The crew followed Rupert and Earl from the kitchen.

Calvin and Hobbes continued to climb.

Rupert and Earl were getting closer.

Calvin reached into his pocket.

He ripped his MTM out, and flung it at Rupert.

FLING!

BONK!

Rupert yowled, and threw the CD player away.

And _then_, even though nothing had happened to _them_, Earl's crew lost control of their rockets again.

But on the other hand, what would you expect?

Calvin caught the MTM, and tucked it into his pocket, and chuckled to himself.

"Man, I finally get a good enemy." He laughed.

"Is that something to be proud of?" Hobbes asked.

"Yes."

"Uh huh."

Calvin and Hobbes continued climbing the stairs, while Rupert and Earl attempted to get the jet packs off of the crew.

Just then, Mom came into the house.


	15. The Jet Packs

"CALVIN! WHAT ON EARTH!" 

Mom had spotted the hole in the door.

She unlocked the door, and walked in.

She spotted the dent on the wall.

"MY WALL!" She screamed.

Then she stared at the collapsed table, and the scratched up linoleum.

She gasped in horror, and rushed into the livingroom.

The couch had smoking holes in it.

"CALVIN!" She screamed. "THAT IS IT! WHERE ARE YOU!"

Oops.

* * *

"The intrepid Spaceman Spiff has been shrunk to half an inch tall by the hideous Zorg aliens!" Calvin narrated to himself as he and Hobbes continued to climb the stairs. "We join our hero climbing the fatal stairs of Zorbee-waa up to the alien's Compacter to unshrink himself, and save the day!" 

Hobbes refused to listen to Calvin.

They continued to climb the stairs.

Finally, they reached the top where they raced for Calvin's room.

They had to stop have way to take a break.

"Pant, pant... How much further?"

"I are talking about miles at _our_ size or inches at _your mom's_ size?" Hobbes panted.

"Figures."

* * *

Meanwhile, Rupert had finally regained control of his men, and he, Earl, and the crew started up the stairs. 

Calvin and Hobbes continued running.

Soon they came only three inches from his door.

They stopped again, to try and catch their breaths.

"Well," He gasped. "We've made it to my room. Now what?"

"We make our way to the attic." Hobbes said.

"You'll never make it in time!" a raspy hacksaw laugh cut through Calvin and Hobbes' thoughts.

Calvin and Hobbes gasped, and spun around, spotting Rupert and Earl rocketing towards them with the crew crowded up behind them.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed, leaping from the way, as smoke bombs exploded right where they had just been standing.

Rupert and Earl flew forward, wide evil grins plastered over their faces.

"What are you going to do, now, Potentate?" Rupert growled. "There's no where to run!"

Earl whipped out his ray gun.

"No where to hide." He snarled, pumping it up.

Calvin and Hobbes backed into the corner.

Suddenly, Calvin got an idea.

"HEY!" he screamed. "Lenny and Dave!"

I'll bet you think that Lenny and Dave immediately lost control of their rockets right?

Not a bad guess, actually, but no that's not what happened.

Instead, they looked up, and grinned at Calvin.

"Yes?" they both chimed.

"Throw me your jet packs!" Calvin called.

Rupert and Earl started laughing.

"Please, Calvin!" Rupert scoffed. "They're not _that_ stupid."

They're laughter turned to silence.

"Are they?" Earl asked.

At that very moment, Lenny and Dave ripped their rockets off, and flung them at Calvin and Hobbes.

They instantly fell to the ground, and landed BONK on the floor. So did Lenny and Dave.

Calvin and Hobbes both caught each jet pack.

"Yup." Rupert said. "They are."

Calvin and Hobbes quickly strapped the rockets on, and switched them to "on".

Fire spewed out the bottom, and Calvin and Hobbes shot into the air.

"HA HA!" Calvin screamed. "I'm flying! CATCH ME IF YOU CAN, YOU UGLY MAGGOTS!"

Calvin spun around, and blasted towards the attic door. Hobbes followed.

"STOP THEM!" Rupert screeched.

"We shall not leave Lenny and Dave to perish!" Erne declared.

Rupert and Earl's eyes slammed shut.

"Fine." Rupert spat. "One of you carry Lenny, one of you carry Dave."

And with that, Rupert and Earl blasted off after Calvin and Hobbes.

"I can't believe we got the jet packs." Hobbes said.

"I can."

"Yeah, I guess it's not _that_ amazing."

Calvin and Hobbes continued flying towards the attic door.

"How are we going to get into it?" Calvin asked.

ZAP!

A red blast of fire flew by Calvin, and missed him by inches.

"YAAAAH!" Calvin screamed tumbling backwards for a second, but he quickly regained control.

"There, you see?" Earl said, pointing at Calvin. "If there was _truly _something wrong with those packs, then he'd be spiraling around everywhere except where he was going. There's nothing wrong with those stupid rockets."

"I guess that fits." Rupert said.

Calvin quickly regained control of the rocket, and started flying towards the attic door where Hobbes was waiting.

"How do we get in?" Hobbes asked.

"_You don't!_"

Calvin and Hobbes zoomed away as Rupert and Earl flew up, ray guns blasting.

When they reached the attic door, they screeched to a stop, and Earl went after Hobbes, and Rupert went after Calvin.

Calvin altered his course slightly, and went rocketing towards the crew who were all floating in the air in a crowd.

POW!

Calvin crashed right into the middle the crew, and emerged without having his rocket loose control.

More than I can say for the crew.

Rupert was all of a sudden blocked by a wall of screaming, out of control aliens.

Calvin watched the chaos with a grin.

* * *

Meanwhile, Hobbes was zooming away from Earl, who was hot on his tail.

"HEY EARL!" Hobbes called. "THE CREW LOST CONTROL AGAIN! BETTER GO AND STOP THEM!"

Earl replied by shooting his ray gun at Hobbes.

"Guess you don't care."

Hobbes started flying around in wide circles, with Earl still right behind him.

Around the fourth circle, Hobbes made an abrupt stop, and zoomed towards the ceiling.

"HEY!" Earl screamed.

He tried to stop, but he was going to fast.

CRASH!

He smashed into the wall.

Hobbes flew up inches below the ceiling, watched Earl trying to get out of the wall, then zoomed off.

* * *

Meanwhile, Mom was still trying to clean the house without Calvin's help.

She had put a piece of cardboard over the hole in the door, and had swept up the remains of the table.

She was now cleaning the livingroom.

Suddenly she spotted a stuffed tiger on the floor.

The tiger had red stripes on his tail.

She growled to herself, walked up to it, picked it up, and flung in the closet.

She slammed the door, and went back to her cleaning.

Socrates stood up, and brushed himself off.

"Well!" He spat. "The nerve of her, throwing a tiger into a closet. She'll be hearing from my lawyer!"

Socrates marched over to the closet door, opened it, walked out, closed the door, and continued to look for Calvin and Hobbes.

* * *

Calvin was still laughing his head off at Rupert's pathetic attempts to get his crew back under control.

First Rupert tried ripping the packs off. That didn't work, so he tried screaming at them. That did work, either, so he tried beating them up.

That didn't work either.

Calvin was stumbling over backwards, laughing his head off, and trying not to fall over to the ground.

However, Rupert was finally able to get them to regain control.

Either that, or the rockets got bored, trying buck everyone off.

Whatever the reason, the crew suddenly regained control as if they had never lost it in the first place.

Rupert pushed past Erne, Lace, and Jay and started towards Calvin.

Calvin was still laughing.

But when he saw Rupert coming towards him, his laughing came to a screeching stop, and he zoomed away, Rupert hot on his trail.

"GET BACK HERE, PUNK!" Rupert screamed.

"He says that like he actually expects me to do it!" Calvin yelled.

Rupert chased Calvin down the stairs, and into the kitchen.

Calvin dropped in altitude, and started zooming inches above the floor.

Rupert dropped to Calvin's level, blasting his ray gun at him.

Calvin swayed out of the way as the plasma rays caused holes to appear in the linoleum floor.

It didn't look to good along with the scuffs and scratches.

Calvin zoomed through the doorway that lead into the livingroom.

Rupert followed.

Calvin looked over his shoulder, to see Rupert flying after him with a terrible glare on his face.

Calvin turned his head back around, and started flying towards the wall.

Before he hit it, he jerked upward, and started flying up the wall, he rounded the corner, and started flying across the ceiling, and down the wall again on the other side of the livingroom.

Rupert didn't miss a beat.

Calvin spun himself around, and blasted forward back up the stairs.

* * *

Meanwhile, Earl was still chasing Hobbes around in circles on the top floor.

When suddenly, Calvin flew up.

"BEEP, BEEP!" Calvin screamed.

Earl wasn't able to get out of the way on time.

CRASH!

Calvin slammed head first into Earl and carried him twenty feet away from Hobbes.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Earl screamed.

"GET OFF YOU!" Calvin screamed. "YOU'RE ON _ME!_"

Earl grabbed Calvin's jet pack.

SNATCH!

Earl came to a halt, as he held Calvin's jet pack in his hand, grinning.

Calvin continued flying across the floor, until he crashed into the wall.

CRASH!

"CALVIN!" Hobbes yelled.

He dived down after Calvin.

He landed next to Calvin, and pulled his head out of the wall.

"Calvin! Calvin!" he yelled, shaking him. "SPEAK TO ME!"

"STOP SHAKING ME, BONEHEAD!" Calvin screamed.

Hobbes stopped shaking him.

"Sorry." Hobbes said.

At that very moment, Hobbes felt something being ripped from his back.

He spun around, Calvin still in his hands and stared wide eyed at Rupert who was holding the jet pack by the strap with two fingers, and grinning evilly at Hobbes.

"I hope you enjoyed flying." Earl growled, flying up. "Because it's the last thing you're ever going to do."

Both Rupert and Earl held up their ray guns.

Calvin and Hobbes covered their heads, and prepared for the worse.

However, something unexpected saved them.


	16. Battle at the Top Floor

Socrates rushed up the stairs, searching for Calvin and Hobbes.

He was looking in all directions, and calling, "CALVIN! HOBBES! CREEPY ALIENS!"

Rupert and Earl looked up.

They saw a pair of white feet walking towards them.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Rupert and Earl were scattered, and they fell off the balcony, and into the kitchen.

Calvin blinked.

"Well, that was easy." Calvin said.

Socrates past Calvin and Hobbes.

He didn't even notice them!

He walked right past them, and proceeded up to the attic.

Calvin and Hobbes watched him.

"He just saved us, and he'll never know." Calvin said.

"Figures."

Calvin and Hobbes turned their attention back to the aliens.

They were laying in shambles on the floor.

But they quickly regained their control.

Rupert leaped into the air, first, followed shortly by Earl.

Both of them had lethal expressions.

They were obviously not having a good day.

"TIME TO DIE, POTENTATE!"

And with that, without any dramatic pause, Rupert ripped his ray gun out, and started firing, wildly,

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed, and leaped from the way, as the ray blast hit the wall.

Calvin and Hobbes frantically ran off, withe Rupert and Earl bolting after them, with their ray guns blasting.

Then, Calvin got an idea.

He started running for the crew.

The crew stared at him.

Calvin stopped in front of the aliens, drew his foot back, and kicked the wall as hard as he could.

Do you know what happened next?

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Rockets roared to life, and aliens went flying in all directions.

Erne collided with Rupert sending flying backwards, and Lace crashed into Earl, sending him flying backwards.

Calvin watched with quiet content.

OK, maybe he wasn't quiet.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Calvin fell over onto his back, and pointed at the struggling aliens.

"HA HA! THIS IS BETTER THAN TELEVISION!" Calvin screamed, turning a nasty grin onto the aliens.

Hobbes came walking up to Calvin.

"How long do think it's going to take Rupert to gain control of his men?"

"Two days. Come on, let's get to the attic!"

Calvin and Hobbes started running after Socrates.

However, before they got there, they heard the sound of screaming.

Calvin and Hobbes spun around, and spotted something grey with yellow compound eyes roaring towards them.

Oops.

CRASH!

Calvin and Hobbes were both gathered up in Jack's wildly flinging arms.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Calvin, Hobbes, and Jack screamed, zooming around everywhere except in a straight line.

Jack's rocket started crashing down the stairs.

They entered the kitchen, where Mom was mopping the floor.

"LOOK OUT FOR THE MOP!"

The rocket circled Mom, went through the mop making everyone sopping wet, and then flew into the livingroom.

Mom didn't notice.

The rocket then started to rise, still completely out of control.

It started towards the vacuum cleaner.

"LOOK OUT FOR THE VACUUM SWEEPER!"

Too late.

CRASH!

The plastic between the vacuum and the dust bag was off.

Calvin, Hobbes, and Jack crashed into the bag.

It blew up on impact.

FOOM!

Dust went flying in all directions.

A shower of dust covered the entire livingroom.

Mom heard the explosion, and ran into the livingroom.

She stared at the livingroom.

"THAT'S IT, CALVIN!" She screamed. "GET OUT HERE, OR NO TV FOR A YEAR!"

Calvin heard the threat, but you can guess that he was unable to come into sight at the moment.

He gulped, and tried to hang on harder to the rocket.

Then, Jack started flying upward.

They started flying up the stairs.

However, they didn't stop at the top of them.

They continued to fly up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Calvin, Hobbes, and Jack all screamed as they approached the...

CRASH!

...ceiling.

That was enough to cause Calvin and Hobbes to loose their grip.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed, as they pelted towards the ground that looked like it was a mile down.

Luckily they both landed on an alien which softened their landing.

CRASH!

SMASH!

"Wow, I found a use for these guys." Calvin grinned, leaping off of Lenny.

"Hmmmm, yes." Hobbes said, stepping off of Biff.

"Now what do we do?" Calvin asked.

"We run," Hobbes said.

At that very moment, a blast of plasma sent a piece of floor exploding upward.

"Here's another screaming scene." Calvin said.

"Let's set extra drama into it." Hobbes said.

"Right."

Calvin and Hobbes cleared their throats.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

They ran around in circles, crashed into each other, and started flying away.

Rupert and Earl were right behind, screaming and yelling at the boy and tiger.

"We can't shake these guys off!" Calvin panted. "What are we going to do?"

Hobbes looked around in all directions.

Then he pointed at Calvin's door.

"There!" he gasped. "Run into there, and close the door."

Rupert and Earl overheard this, and started laughing.

"HA HA HA HA HA! You'll never be able to get there fast enough to save yourselves!"

They might of been right.

Because Calvin and Hobbes were starting to run out of energy.

Rupert and Earl laughed, again, and started to move in.

"And don't worry!" Earl called after them. "We'll take _good_ care of your planet when your gone!"

"**_HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!_**"

YIKES!


	17. Entering the Messiest Room in America

Socrates started up the stairs that lead to the attic.

Spider webs hung in the corners, and it was very dark and spooky in the three yard corridor to the attic.

Socrates went up those spooky stairs without the slightest sense of fear.

He walked up to an old wooden door with a silver doorknob.

Socrates opened it, and entered the attic.

The attic was filled with boxes. Most of them filled with family photos, and old stuff from Dad's childhood.

There was a single crate sitting in the middle of the room.

Socrates walked up to it.

There was a microphone laying on it.

He picked it up and studied it.

The words _Mega-Shrinker 5000_ were written on it in black ink.

Socrates pulled on the cord, and brought the jack up.

He stared at it.

He hooked the jack into a radio's headphone jack, and pushed a button on the microphone.

ZIP!

The neck of the microphone shot outward, and the end started glowing red.

Socrates grinned.

He pointed the shrinker at a box of photos.

He hit the button.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

There was a flash of red light, and a loud sound, and the photos vanished.

Socrates' eyes widened with glee.

He pushed the button, again.

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

The box instantly reappeared in another blast of light.

"This is cool." Socrates grinned.

He pointed the microphone at the crate, and hit the button, again.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

The crate vanished.

Socrates hit the button again.

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

It reappeared.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

After about five minutes of this, Socrates began to get bored.

I mean, all he had up there were boxes.

Socrates walked over to the window, and opened it.

He pointed the shrink ray at a passing man.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUGH!" The man screamed, as he vanished in a blast of red light.

Socrates flipped the switch, and pushed the button, again.

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

The man grew back to his original size.

He looked around, terror stricken at what just happened, then rushed off.

Socrates pointed it at a car.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

The car vanished, and so did the male driver.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The man screamed, before vanishing.

Socrates flipped the switch, and pushed the button, again.

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

The car reappeared, and so did the driver.

Socrates was laughing.

"HA HA HA HA!" he screamed, holding his face. "THIS IS BETTER THAN PRANKING CALVIN!"

Socrates spent the next few minutes shrinking and unshrinking everything in sight.

All the time, he was laughing his head off, and trying not to fall out of the window.

Then, he remembered why he had come to get it in the first place.

He rubbed his chin in thought.

"Hmmm, I wonder if Calvin could handle himself for the next two days." He wondered.

He thought for fifteen seconds.

"Ah, maybe if I save him, he'll let me borrow this thing." he decided.

He wrapped the wire up, tucked the shrinker into his pocket, went down the stairs, and started looking for Calvin and Hobbes, again.

Oh, and he was whistling, cheerily, on his way down the stairs.

Who whistles cheerily on their way down creepy haunted looking stairs?

I have no idea.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were still running away from Rupert and Earl.

They were running out of energy.

I already said that.

However, it doesn't hurt to repeat yourself repeat yourself every once in a while in a while.

Where was I?

Oh yes, Calvin and Hobbes zoomed away.

Rupert and Earl were laughing insanely.

"You might as well stop running!" Rupert laughed. "We obviously have the advantage!"

Calvin and Hobbes were inches away from their door.

Rupert and Earl didn't seem fazed or worried about that at all.

Maybe they didn't notice.

But Calvin and Hobbes reached the door.

They leaped inside it, and started pushing the door shut.

Slowly, the door started to close.

Then, it slammed shut.

SLAM!

Rupert and Earl screeched to s stop in front of the door.

"How did he do that?" Earl asked.

Rupert growled, and turned to his crew.

"COME ON!" He screamed. "WE CAN STILL CATCH THEM!"

"We're chasing someone?" Erne asked.

"Shut up, and let's go!"

Rupert and Earl zoomed off, the crew shrugged, and followed.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes stood in front of the door.

"Great." Hobbes said. "Now we're trapped in your room."

"Maybe we can still get to the attic." Calvin said.

Hobbes turned around.

"If we can get over your mess." He growled.

Calvin spun around.

Uh oh.

It appeared that Calvin's room was covered in a thick layer of toys, papers, comic books, and boxes.

"How did my room get so messy!" Calvin yelled. "I cleaned it yesterday!"

"You did not clean it." Hobbes hissed. "You shrunk it with your skull and cross bones invention!"

"OK, maybe I shrunk a thing or two, but the point is, is that my room got covered in toys again! How did that, happen? The room was clean when we got up this morning."

Before Calvin and Hobbes could debate it any further, the black widow spider emerged from under a piece of paper.

Its horrible compound eyes locked on Calvin.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" They screamed, running away from it.

"SCREEECH!" The spider roared, flying after Calvin and Hobbes with a hungry look in its eyes.

Or at least, I _think_ it had a hungry look in its eyes.

Uh...

Maybe it didn't.

It's kinda hard to tell when you're dealing with a spider.

Calvin and Hobbes dove under a Captain Napalm comic.

Then spider went past it, without noticing them.

"Now what do we do?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin's eyes were darting from side to side.

Then, he got real quiet.

"The amazing **_STUPENDOUS MAN_** considers the problem at hand. His stupendous powers were shorted out by Dr Big Eye's _compacter ray_! Our hero is in mortal danger."

"Calvin, you have got to be _kidding_ me!" Hobbes yelled.

Calvin didn't answer.

He was too deep in thought.

"Our hero devises a STUPENDOUS PLAN!" He announced. "I'll hold him, and you punch."

"I'm going to stupendous _you_ in a minute!" Hobbes growled.

Calvin ignored him.

"Calvin, answer me!" Hobbes yelled. "WHAT DO WE DO, NOW!"

At last, Calvin answered.

"No, that doesn't come on until _next_ Friday."

Yes, Calvin had given him the answer.

But the answer to what?

Hobbes grabbed Calvin, spun him around so he was facing him, and began slapping him left and right.

SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!

At last, Calvin came around.

"Hobbes, why are you slapping me?" He demanded. "I was in the middle of deep philosophical thought, and you butted in with your stupid paw."

"Philosophical? _PHILOSOPHICAL!_ You were about to run out there, and try to beat up the spider on your own, you dunce!"

"That was only a quick thought, hairball, My amazing mind was shifting through several different possibilities."

"Mind? What mind? I thought you lost it after you made the Transmogrifier incident!"

Calvin was outraged.

"I've been insulted!" He screamed. "I'll have you know that I have a brilliant mind with more meaning in it than you do in your whole body!"

Hobbes peeked out of the comic book.

"Would you mind shutting up?" He asked. "The spider might hear you."

"YOU THINK YOU'RE SO DARN SMART!"

"Do spiders have ears? I don't know if they do."

"NOW YOU'RE JUST IGNORING ME! I DEMAND THAT YOU LISTEN TO MY CARPING!"

"Uh oh... he just turned around."

"THAT'S NO EXCUSE, AND DON'T ARGUE WITH ME! THE POINT IS... I forgot the point. BUT WHATEVER IT WAS IT WAS A DARN GOOD POINT AND IT WOULD'VE BEEN THE POINT TO TOP ALL POINTS!"

"He's coming this way."

"YES, HOBBES! HE'S COMING! THE LONG ARM OF IGNORANCE IS COMING! AND HAS YOU LOCKED IN A DEADLY GRASP OF DEATH!"

"He's about to lock _us_ in a deadly grasp of death." Hobbes said. "I'm leaving. Bye."

ZOOM!

Calvin saw a streak of orange, and heard a loud gust of wind, and Hobbes suddenly vanished.

Calvin blinked.

"I DEMAND THAT YOU GET BACK OVER HERE, AND TELL ME HOW YOU DO THAT, YOU DUMB TIGER! I OUGHT TO SUE THE TRUTH OUT OF YOU! GET BACK OVER HERE, OR I'LL..."

"SCREEEEEEEEEEECH!"

Calvin's speech was cut short when the gigantic black widow appeared out of nowhere, and opened it's deadly poison pinchers.

Calvin stared at it.

"Oh." He said. "That's what you were running from. I guess that fits. I'd run too. In fact, I will."

But before Calvin could race off, the spider drew its head back, and sent a pincher full of green poison hurling for him.


	18. Rupert VS a Mosquito DING! DING!

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Calvin leaped from the way, as the green goo splattered all over the bottom of Calvin's comic book.

"SCREEEEEEEECH!"

The spider twirled around, and spotted Calvin climbing over the mess, frantically.

"SCREEEEEECH!"

The spider raced after Calvin.

It was very creepy watching it chase Calvin.

Its eyes were locked on the boy, and it's sticky legs stuck to any surface, so he was able to get over the mess easily.

And when the spider was on it's side, crossing a comic book or whatever, it tilted its head so its gaze remained stuck on its prey.

Calvin leaped over comic books and papers, and continued to try and get away.

Where was Hobbes?

He was still missing. And at his size, he could've been _anywhere_ in that room.

Calvin grabbed a piece of paper, heaved it up, and pushed it over the top of the spider.

"SCREEECH!" The spider shrieked, halting abruptly, as the paper fell over its head.

While it was blinded, Calvin dove into the crack between his toy truck and his Moby Dick book Mom had got him.

He fell for three inches, and fell onto a small stretch of floor.

The spider screeched, and ripped the paper apart.

Calvin stood under the crack.

Light poured in from it.

Calvin watched as the spider crossed the crack without noticing him.

Then, he let the air hiss out of his lungs.

He looked down.

Hobbes was staring at him.

Calvin's eyes bulged.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE!" He screamed. "Two minutes ago you were over on the other side of room! How long have you been here!"

"One minute fifty two seconds." Hobbes said.

"How do you _do_ that!" Calvin demanded, throwing his arms into the air.

"Well, if I told you, you wouldn't not know it anymore. And if you don't not not know it, then I can't know how to know to do it properly."

Calvin stared at him.

"What?"

"There you have it."

Seconds past as Calvin stared into Hobbes' eyes.

He couldn't find words to describe how he felt at that moment.

Nor could he find words to express to Hobbes.

So, he just decided to say nothing.

He sat down on the floor and sighed.

"This is hopeless!" He yelled. "How are we going to get out of _this_ one."

"Perhaps the same way we got out of all these other death trips." Hobbes suggested.

"What was that?"

"Panic, and scream for our mommies." Hobbes said.

"Better then nothing."

Calvin and Hobbes threw their heads back, and screamed, "MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMY!"

* * *

Rupert, Earl, and the crew flew down the stairs, and into the kitchen.

There, they found the door closed, and the hole in the door covered up.

No problem there.

Rupert whipped his ray gun out, and burned a hole through the weak cardboard, and he, Earl, and the other aliens zoomed outside.

Mom was looking for Calvin, so she didn't notice it.

Rupert and Earl started to round the house, to go up to Calvin's bedroom room window.

However, something stopped them.

All at once, Rupert, Earl, and the crew began picking up a high pitched whining sound.

The aliens all looked around.

Whoops.

Have we ever discussed mosquitos?

I'm sure that anyone in their right mind hates mosquitos. The high pitched sound they make, the way they spiral around in circles so you can never kill them, and as an added bonus, THEY SUCK BLOOD!

I mean for crying out loud, I'd rather face off with a black widow spider than a mosquito!

Plus, this was the middle of summer when the mosquitos population was at its worse so...

A giant, ugly blood filled mosquito began flying towards the shrunk aliens.

"HEY!" Rupert screamed. "GET OUT OF HERE! GO GET TRAPPED IN SOME AMBER!"

The mosquito kept coming.

Earl pulled his ray gun out, and started blasting it at the vampire bug.

Do you know what the mosquito did then?

It dodged every last blast!

How annoying is that?

By this time, the crew had noticed that there was a giant vampire insect coming towards them.

They panicked.

And then lost control of their rockets.

The mosquito flew straight towards Rupert.

Rupert rose out of the way, and pulled his ray gun out.

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

The mosquito dodged each blast, and came forthe king again, with its proboscis pointed straight at him.

Rupert dodged it, and started screaming.

"WHEN WILL THIS CHAOS STOP!"

At that very moment, a bluebird swooped down from the sky, and grabbed the mosquito in its beak.

Rupert and Earl watched it fly away.

"Gee, that was easy." Rupert said.

Earl blinked.

He turned to the lunatic crew before him, who had magically regained control of their jets.

"Why are you just floating there?" He demanded.

"We don't know."

"THEN GET UP TO CALVIN'S WINDOW!"

The aliens started flying upward again.

Rupert and Earl leading them.

* * *

Meanwhile Socrates had just exited the attic, carrying the Mega-Shrinker 5000.

"Calvin! Ho-o-o-o-o-o-obbes! Where are yo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ou?"

He checked Mom and Dad's room.

"WHOA!" He hollered. "LOOK AT EVERYTHING IN THIS ROOM!"

There was a giant queen sized bed, a dresser, a mirror, a desk with dolls on it, a chair, a TV, and so on.

Socrates' eyes shot to the Mega-Shrinker 5000.

"Hmmmm." he said. "I'll do the TV."

He rushed into the room, and pulled the shrink ray out.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

Socrates began shrinking and unshrinking everything in sight.

He was obviously having a wonderful time.

"Wow!" He yelled, unshrinking the bed for the twentieth time. "Calvin has actually come up with a good idea here!"

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

After another two minutes, he began to get bored, again.

He decided to resume his search for the shrunk Calvin and Hobbes.

He exited the room, and continued looking.

With no luck.

Which was bad news for Calvin and Hobbes, because Rupert and Earl were getting closer to their goal of taking over the world.

Now that's a scary thought.


	19. The Climatic Battle

"Honey, I'm home!" Dad called walking into the house.

His eyes fell onto the dent on the wall, and the broken window.

Mom came stomping into the livingroom.

"DEAR!" She screeched. "YOUR SON IS IN THIS HOUSE SOMEWHERE, DESTROYING IT, AND I CAN'T FIND HIM!"

"Oh no." Dad sighed, expecting a quiet evening.

* * *

Hobbes was moaning and groaning as he attempted to get Calvin out of the mess. 

"How many bricks do you have in your pocket!" He yelled.

"Ha, ha! I forgot how to laugh."

"I think my upper vertebrae just snapped."

"Quit being such a weenie, and PUSH!"

At last, Hobbes heaved Calvin onto a toy truck.

Then Hobbes pulled himself up.

"OK, now what?" he asked, getting crick out of his back.

"Well, we still have to get to the attic." Calvin said, brushing himself off.

"Yeah." Hobbes said. "Except we're both trapped in your room. How are we going to get to the attic?"

Calvin mind raced.

"_Tracer Bullet. Private Eye._" He thought to himself. "_Everything about The Case of the Deadly Shrink Ray was strange. The beginning was strange. The ending was strange. And the middle was... well, strange. I needed a lead in the case. But first I needed to get out of the giant playroom at my puny size._"

Calvin's eyes cut from side to side.

"I have an idea, kid." he said to Hobbes.

"Kid?"

"We have to make our way to the door. But we have to avoid the Red Hourglass goon."

"You mean the Black Widow Spider?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

"Who told you the name of the gang he belonged to?" He demanded. "Out with it! This might be my first break in the case."

Hobbes stared at him.

"Calvin." He said. "Stop being weird and try to think. I know that goes against your nature, but we need something."

Calvin ignored him.

"We must think up of a plan." he said, rubbing his chin. "But what?"

"The spider's coming back."

"Precisely!" Calvin announced. "The spider of life is rearing its ugly head! We must face this block in our life, and squash him!"

"It's not a block. It's a spider."

"Don't argue with me!" Calvin spat. "If I said it was a block, then by golly, it's a _block_!"

"Yeah, well, that block's about to tear us apart."

"HALT STOP!" Calvin yelled. "I've already spotted a flaw in your ointment."

"I don't have any ointment."

"Alright. Then the fly in your ointment."

"I don't have a fly. And if I did, I'd buzz off right now."

"That's cute, Hobbes, but I'm afraid it won't get you out of this interrogation! Point one. Blocks are not alive. Therefore, they can not tear people apart."

"_CALVIN!_" Hobbes hissed.

"Shut up. I'm not finished. Point two. Even if they _were_ alive, they have no arms, legs, teeth, or claws. Therefore, following simple logic, they can not tear us apart."

"**_CALVIN!_**" Hobbes yelled.

"Shut up. Point three. You have no evidence that even if blocks _could_ tear you apart, that they would want to. They would have to be psychotic. Evidence, Hobbes! You need evidence! You have no evidence! Point four. There is no such thing as a psychotic block. So this whole argument is totally pointless."

Hobbes took a deep breath in, and screeched, "**_CALVIN! IT IS NOT A BLOCK! IT'S A BLACK WIDOW SPIDER! AND IT'S COMING TOWARDS US!_**"

Calvin shrunk back.

"DON'T SCREECH AT ME, YOU DUNCE!"

Hobbes grabbed Calvin's head, and spun him completely around.

Once completely turned around, Calvin spotted a huge black spider screaming towards him.

"Oh." Calvin said. "It was a spider."

There was a moment of silence.

Then, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGHH!"

Calvin and Hobbes zoomed off, the spider right behind them.

* * *

Meanwhile, Rupert, Earl, and the crew all flew up to Calvin's bedroom window. 

It was closed.

However, that didn't seem to faze or bother Rupert and Earl at all.

Rupert and Earl backed up, slightly, and screamed forward, and crashed into the window.

CRASH!

There was an explosion of glass, and Rupert and Earl entered the room.

Calvin and Hobbes screeched to a stop as huge shards of glass started falling right above them.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed, sucking under Calvin's toy truck.

The spider screeched to a stop, and rushed off in the other direction, avoiding each crash of glass.

Calvin and Hobbes ducked deeper into the truck, as they watched glass fragments shatter to the floor.

CRASH! SMASH! SHATTER! TINKLE! BOOM!

Earl's crew followed into the room, soon after Rupert and Earl burst in.

"Where is he!" Rupert screamed, scanning the mess in the room. "YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER POTENTATE!"

Rupert ripped out his ray gun, and started blasting everything in sight.

Earl followed suit.

The crew stared at their two leaders with confused grins on their faces.

Suddenly, Socrates heard small ray gun blasts from inside Calvin's room.

"Wow." He said. "I can't believe I never thought to look in Calvin's room. What a dope."

Socrates grabbed the Shrink Ray with his left hand, and grabbed Calvin's doorknob with the other.

He kicked the door opened, and spotted small grey specks firing blasts of red at the floor.

"BACK!" Socrates screamed.

He rushed over to the floating aliens.

Rupert redirected his aim from the floor to Socrates.

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

Socrates' fur absorbed the blasts, and didn't do any damage to him.

"HA!" Socrates laughed. "What are you trying to do? Tickle me?"

Socrates took a deep breath in, and blew as hard as he could at Rupert and Earl.

As if a huge gust of wind had started up, Rupert and Earl went screaming backwards into the middle of the crew.

And believe it, or not, Earl's crew actually was able to maintain control this time. I know, hard to believe. But it's true.

After he had left the aliens in jumbles, Socrates plugged the Shrink Ray into a radio, and the neck extended itself outward.

"CALVIN!" He called. "HOBBES! I HAVE THE SHRINK RAY!"

"Well, the world's doomed." Calvin said.

"Hurry, we have to show ourselves." Hobbes said.

Calvin and Hobbes frantically started climbing out from under the truck.

"SOCRATES! WE'RE DOWN HERE!" Calvin called.

However, Socrates didn't hear Calvin and Hobbes calling for him because he was so busy calling for them.

How ironic.

Meanwhile, Rupert and Earl had regained themselves, and had spotted Calvin and Hobbes calling to Socrates.

A wide grin spread across Rupert's face.

"At last!" he growled.

Calvin and Hobbes were waving their hands, and screaming for Socrates to look down.

Suddenly, and all of a sudden, there was a loud ZAP, and a blast of red light hit the spot inches from Calvin.

Calvin looked up, and saw Rupert, Earl, and the entire crew flying downwards towards him with wide evil grins on their faces.

"Whoops." Calvin said.

Calvin and Hobbes spun around, and stared right into the hateful eyes of...

The Black Widow Spider opened its poison dripping pinchers up, and let out a terrifying screech.

Followed by the crew, Rupert and Earl landed on the other side of Calvin and Hobbes, their sharp teeth gleaming in the bright light.

And Calvin didn't like how they decorated their smiles.

Calvin and Hobbes backed up towards Rupert and Earl. Then backed up towards the spider.

Rupert and Earl began walking casually towards Calvin.

Calvin and Hobbes started looking around, desperately.

Rupert grinned.

"Once in a while, there is a time when you run out of places to run, Earth Potentate." He growled.

Calvin and Hobbes' eyes were the size of dinner plates as Rupert and Earl and the spider began to close in.

Suddenly, Socrates spotted Rupert.

"AH HA!" He screamed, staring down at Calvin's distinctive red shirt and yellow head.

He held up the _Mega-Shrinker 5000_, flipped a switch, and hit the button.

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

Instantly, Rupert and Earl came in full view, as they grew back to their normal sizes.

"Whoops." Socrates said. "Aim's a little off."

While Rupert and Earl were still trying to figure out what had happened, Socrates flipped the switch, and pushed the button, again.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

Rupert and Earl were shrunk again.

Socrates flipped the switch, and took aim at Calvin, again.

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

The Black Widow Spider suddenly expanded upward, and began to grow fifty times its original size!

"Darn."

Flip.

Click.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

Flip.

Click.

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

This time Earl's crew increased to their normal size.

"Calvin really has to work on this sideways blasting." Socrates muttered.

Flip.

Click.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

"SOCRATES!" Calvin screamed. "COULD YOU PERHAPS HIT _WHAT YOUR AIMING AT!_"

Rupert fired his ray gun.

ZAP!

Calvin and Hobbes leaped out of the way, the blast hit the spider.

"SCREECH!"

The spider went flying backwards and into the wall.

It leaped to its feet, and turned a terrible glare on Rupert.

"**_SCREEEEEEECH!_**"

"I think you made him mad." Alfred the alien said.

Earl glared at Alfred.

"Ya think!" he spat.

The spider made a dive for Rupert.

Rupert, Earl, and the crew all screamed, and jumped out of the way.

The spider rammed head first into a toy truck.

CRASH!

_NOW_ he was mad.

The spider leaped to its feet, and fixed its eyes on Rupert and Earl.

"**_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!_**" It shrieked, throwing its head back.

Calvin and Hobbes stood awkwardly on one of Calvin's comic books watching the chaos.

Rupert spotted him.

"THAT'S IT!" He screamed.

"Oops." Calvin said.

Before the spider reached him, Rupert flew upward into the air, and rocketed towards Calvin, his arms outstretched, and his fingers in the strangling position.

Uh oh.

It looked like he wasn't playing games anymore.


	20. The End?

_Swing123: I have been working on a Bonus Chapter for this story latley. It will include a trailer for Which Way is Where, and a soundtrack. It wont be posted soon, because it's far from finished. But I will post it before April is over, so don't worry. _

_Also, a quick little side note, the reason I'm not making any more Rupert and Earl stories after this, is because I think the idea might start to get old. I'm working on other villains for Calvin and Hobbes to face off with, right now, but Rupert and Earl stories are fun to write, so if you want more stories with them, then I'll be more than happy to write them.

* * *

_

Calvin and Hobbes screamed, and leaped out of the way.

Earl leaped into the air, and went screaming for Rupert.

Calvin grabbed Earl's leg, as he flew past.

Hobbes grabbed Calvin's leg as he leaped into the air.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Earl screamed.

Earl shook his leg violently, and lost his concentration of flying.

He made a semi-circle in the air, and crashed into Rupert.

Then, they all landed in a heap on the ground.

CRASH!

Earl's crew ran up.

"MEN DOWN!" Jack screamed.

The crew got out a first aid kit, and attempted to wrap Rupert and Earl up in bandages.

However, the king and captain were able to kick the morons off.

"GET AWAY FROM US, YOU IDIOTS!" Rupert screamed.

Suddenly, there was a loud screech.

The aliens, Calvin and Hobbes both all spun around, and faced the Black Widow Spider that was advancing over them.

"YEEK!" The crew screamed, leaped into the air, and landed on top of Rupert and Earl's heads.

CRASH!

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the jumbled aliens in front of them.

"Here's our chance to escape!" Calvin whispered.

"We can't!" Hobbes hissed. "Socrates thinks we're still here."

Calvin and Hobbes looked up.

Socrates was still trying to find Calvin and Hobbes.

He was looking under a toy truck, when he spotted the speck of red over by the door, and ran over to it.

Calvin and Hobbes were waving their hands up and down, and Socrates had almost pinned them down, when Jack and Dave leaped on top of their heads.

"HEY!" Calvin yelled. "GET OFF OF ME!"

Calvin and Hobbes stumbled backwards, and collapsed on top of the pile of aliens.

"GET OFF!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed in unison.

Socrates stared at the small pile of grey, and cocked the _Mega-Shrinker._

"OK." He said. "Let's hope this works."

He pointed the microphone at the jumble of screaming aliens.

He pushed the button.

The end started glowing red.

Then, in slow motion, a blast of red shot out, and hurled towards the screaming aliens.

The spider was almost on top of the aliens.

It began gathering up poison for the deadly bite, and prepared to sink it's jaws into an alien's skin.

However, all of a sudden, something very unexpected happened.

Red light suddenly consumed the mass of screaming aliens, and they started glowing.

_**zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**_

There was a loud explosion and a flash of red light, and Rupert, Earl, the alien crew, Calvin and Hobbes immediately grew back to their normal sizes.

BOOM!

Socrates grinned.

"I GOT IT!" He said. "I knew I'd find ya, sooner or later."

Calvin blinked, still confused about what had happened.

Then, his eyes bulged as he came to the realization that he was no longer a little shrimp.

He leaped to his feet, grabbed Hobbes' arm, ripped him out of Bill's grasp, and carried him over to Socrates.

Calvin dropped Hobbes on the ground, grabbed the Shrink Ray away from Socrates, and turned to the aliens.

Rupert and Earl's heads popped out of the pile of morons.

They stared around at the normal sized things around them.

Then they're eyes fell on Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates.

A wide grin spread across their faces.

"Finally." Snarled Rupert.

He and Earl kicked and shoved, and finally got out of the stack of aliens.

They held up their ray guns.

"Normal size, once more." Earl smiled. "Normal sized death. Goodbye, Calvin."

Their ray guns started glowing.

Calvin pushed the button on the Shrink Ray.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**_

The ray guns were immediately shrunk.

Rupert and Earl's eyes bulged.

Calvin grinned.

"Not one more step." He growled. "Or I'll shrink you. And I wont unshrink you."

Rupert and Earl stared at Calvin.

"Wow, I hate these loopholes." Earl muttered.

By this time, the crew had regained themselves and were celebrating their "sudden growth spurts"as they called it.

Morons.

Rupert told them to shut up, and turned to Calvin.

There was a moment of silence.

"Very well, Calvin." he said. "You win the battle."

He kicked the shrunked ray guns away.

"But the war for Earth goes on."

He turned a nasty grin on Calvin.

"We'll be back."

And with that, he activated his jet pack, rose into the air, and blasted out the window.

Earl glared at Calvin, turned his rocket pack on, and flew out.

The crew watched, shrugged, turned on their jets, and flew out the window.

Calvin ran over to the window, and saw the aliens flying back up to their Space Ship, hovering in the sky.

Calvin gave them a farewell gift.

"HI, LENNY!" Calvin screamed after them.

Lenny's head came up.

He waved frantically at Calvin.

Then lost control of his jet pack.

Then, the rest of the crew lost control of their packs.

Calvin grinned.

The crew all collided with Rupert and Earl causing them to scream, "WE'LL GET YOU CALVIN!"

Calvin chuckled, waved goodbye, and reached up to close his window.

Except his window _was_ closed. There was no glass left in it.

Oops.

Calvin turned back to Hobbes and Socrates.

"Well, one riot, one Earth Potentate."

Socrates and Hobbes exchanged glaces.

Calvin unplugged the Shrink Ray, and wrapped it up.

"I think I'll put the _Mega-Shrinker 5000_ away for a while."

"YES!" Hobbes screamed.

Socrates looked disappointed.

"Ahh." He sighed. "I wanted to borrow it."

Calvin glared him.

"Lend _my_ invention to _you!_ HA! What a joke!"

"Yeah," Hobbes said. "They all need to be destroyed."

Calvin spun around to Hobbes.

"Shut up." He spat.

He spun back to Socrates.

"I wouldn't lend you my inventions if Mom burst in here, and screamed bloody murder in two seconds!"

Two seconds later, the door to Calvin's room exploded open, and Mom appeared.

Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates looked around.

Smoke was bellowing out of Mom's nose, her eyes had turned bright red, her hair was all mussed up, her shoulders were up by her ears, and her fists were clenched, and shaking.

There was a moment of silence.

"...And... That's my cue to go." Socrates said, pointing at Mom.

And with that, he leaped through the air, and jumped out Calvin's broken windows.

He landed on the ground, screamed, "YOU FORGOT TO THANK ME FOR UNSHRINKING YOU! SO, YOU'RE WELCOME!" And zoomed off for his house.

Calvin blinked.

Mom stormed over to him.

"YOUNG MAN!" She screamed. "THE TABLE IS DESTROYED! THE COUCH IS BURNED UP, THE WINDOW IN YOUR ROOM AND THE KITCHEN ARE BOTH SHATTERED, THERE'S A HOLE IN THE FRONT DOOR, THE LIVINGROOM IS COVERED IN DUST, THERE'S A DENT IN THE WALL, THERE'S SCRATCHES ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR, AND ROSALYN WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE AND..."

DING DONG.

Mom's eyes bulged.

"OH NO! SHE'S HERE!"

And with that, she rushed out of Calvin's room.

Calvin and Hobbes stood in the middle of Calvin's messy room.

"We're in trouble." Hobbes said.

"No kidding." Calvin said.

"What are we going to do about it?" Hobbes asked.

"I have no idea." Calvin asked.

There was a moment of silence.

"Calvin?" Hobbes asked. "Why did your room suddenly get dirty again, even though you haven't been in it, all day?"

There was another moment of silence.

"Well, it appears that the shrink ray only lasts for a day."

"You said it was permanent." Hobbes said.

"I was misquoted."

"I hate you."

At that very moment, the sound of a slamming door reached Calvin's ears, and Rosalyn's voice called up to Calvin.

"ALRIGHT, BUCKO! GET DOWN HERE! YOU AND I ARE CLEANING THE HOUSE UNTIL IT'S _SPOTLESS!_"

Calvin sighed.

"This has been such a hard day." He sighed. "And it's only beginning."

And so, he walked downstairs to face the horror of cleaning the whole house.

With Rosalyn.

Hobbes watched Calvin leave.

He stared at the toy chest where he had put the Mega-Shrinker 5000.

He blinked.

Then, he sat down on the bed, stretched all four legs, and prepared for some well deserved rest.

It had been a long day for Calvin and Hobbes, and it was finally over.

Well, at least it was for Hobbes.

* * *

Meanwhile, a weird looking man walked down the sidewalk next to Calvin's house. 

The man had a very strange hairdo. It was dyed red, and was sticking straight into the air, and ending in sharp spikes almost as though he had just been electrocuted.

He had yellow eyes that were out of focus, and a big grin on his face.

He was wearing a lab coat with a black shirt underneath, brown sneakers, black jeans, and green gloves.

"AT LAST!" He yelled in a squeaky voice, holding up a large gun-like device. "I have completed my _Human-Compacter_! I can now shrink the entire population, and make them bow down me! DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!"

He started laughing like a lunatic.

He then turned to Calvin's house.

"Well, I might as well start with this house." He said, flipping a switch on the Compacter to "on".

Uuuuhhh...

You ever get the feeling that some stories go on and on, repeat themselves, come up over again, and never end? I get that feeling sometimes.

So how do you end an unending story? You run out of paper, which is what I just did.

**The End**


	21. BONUS CHAPTER

_Swing123: OK, here is the much waited Bonus Chapter for_ _TMS5000._

**Bonus Chapter**

**Voice work: _(In no particular order)_**

**Pamela Segall Adlon:** Calvin/Spaceman Spiff

**Tom Hanks:** Hobbes/Erne the alien/Alex the alien/Lukethe alien

**Bill Murray:** Dad/Stupendous man/Tracer Bullet/Lace the alien/Biff the alien/Jack the alien

**Jennifer Love Hewitt:**Mom

**Ryan Stiles:** Socrates/Carl the alien

**Tom Kenny:**Earl/Lenny the alien/Jaythe alien

**Elizabeth Daily:** Moe/Alfred the alien

**Eric Roberts:**Rupert Chill

**Daveigh Chase**Rosalyn

**Jim Carrey: **Dave the alien/Danny the alien

**Steve Martin: **Zack the alien/Tim the alien

**Ben Stine: **The guy that goes "Mmm-hmmmm"/Bill the alien

**Dee Bradley Baker:** Additional Voices

* * *

**Trailers:**

**THE MEGA-SHRINKER 5000**

_Narrator: This summer..._

_Calvin: Hobbes, prepare yourself._

_Hobbes: That would be impossible._

_Narrator: Prepare for the biggest..._

_Earl: WHERE IS HE!_

_Narrator: ...baddest..._

_(Calvin and Rupert shoot their ray guns at each other, screaming their heads off)_

_Narrator... most action packed movie of the year!_

_(Fast music starts to play)_

_Calvin: This, Hobbes, is the _Mega-Shrinker 5000 _it shrinks you._

_Narrator: Rupert and Earl are back!_

_Rupert and Earl: **HE HAS A SHRINK RAY!**_

_Narrator: And they're out for revenge!_

_(Rupert fires the Mega-Shrinker 5000 at Calvin and Hobbes)_

_Calvin: Rupert and Earl are after my shrink ray! They could use it to destroy the Earth!_

_Hobbes: They could use ANY of your inventions to destroy the Earth._

_Calvin: don't get smart, fuzz-ball._

_Narrator: And now..._

_(Calvin looks up in time to see Shrink ray blast heading for him, Hobbes, Rupert and Earl)_

_Calvin: Oh for crying out loud._

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee**eeeeeeeeeeeeeep!_

_Narrator: When Calvin and Hobbes find themselves half an inch tall..._

_(Aliens look up at the giant box in front of them)_

_Alien: Well, Ma always said this would happen if I didn't change my ways. And sure enough, it did. Darn._

_(Black widow spider opens its jaws and roared.)_

_C&H: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!_

_Narrator: the fur..._

_(Mouse slaps Rupert and Earl against the wall)_

_Mouse: SQUEAK!_

_Narrator ...will..._

_(Socrates falls to the ground, throwing Calvin and Hobbes into the yard)_

_Narrator: ...fly._

_Rupert: YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET THERE FAST ENOUGH TO SAVE YOURSELVES!_

_Rupert & Earl: **HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!**_

_(Calvin and Hobbes trip over the stairs.)_

_(The crew loses control of their jet packs, and fly around in all directions)_

_(Red tailed hawk carries Calvin and Hobbes away in its talons)_

_(There's a crash of cymbals, and the screen goes blank. The title phases on.)_

_Narrator: The Mega-Shrinker 5000. Rated PG. Coming to theaters near you March seventeenth._

_(Shows Calvin firing the Mega-Shrinker 5000)_

_(Shows Fanfiction logo)_

_(End of trailer)

* * *

_

**Which Way is Where?**

_Narrator: This fall..._

_(Shows several postcards laid out over the table.)_

_Narrator: An escaped convict has returned for revenge._

_(The shadow of a man walks down an alley)_

_Narrator: and when the villain finds his victim..._

_(A green van bumps down the road)_

_Narrator: Insanity will reach the next level._

_(Camera zooms out, showing Calvin standing in the doorway.)_

_Dad: Calvin! Guess what! We're going to Georgia!_

_(Pause)_

_Calvin (throwing his head back): **WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!**_

_Mom: Hmm, I think he took it quite well._

_Narrator: Dad has received a SPECIAL letter._

_Maurice (picking up letter): What's this?_

_Winslow: _Tree Huggers International_? Never heard of them._

_Narrator: A letter that will just ruin Calvin's summer._

_Calvin: Dad's taking us on another camping trip! We have to do something._

_(Shows Calvin and Hobbes cloning themselves in the bathroom)_

_Calvin: OK, duplicates. Here's your mission. You're supposed to go with Mom and Dad on a trip._

_Calvinclone: It's not a camping trip, is it?_

_Calvin: uh... it's not?_

_Calvinclone: good._

_Narrator: and now Calvin and Hobbes are loose in the big city._

_Calvin (standing over the city): Sweet freedom, Hobbes. Let's breath it all in._

_Hobbes: Yeah, and then let's shove it all out._

_Narrator: But Rupert Chill the human convict has other ideas._

_Calvin: Chill! What are YOU doing here!_

_Chill: Don't be so surprised, Calvin! You knew I was on the lookout for you!_

_Calvin: No I didn't._

_(Pause)_

_Chill: You didn't?_

_Calvin: No._

_Chill: You mean you didn't get any of the postcards I sent you?_

_Hobbes: what postcards?_

_Chill: Well, this is odd, I must have sent you over a hundred postcards._

_Narrator: And now, Calvin and Hobbes have to beat Chill before it's too late._

_Chill (To the people in the elevator): OK! EVERYONE OUT!_

_(Chill captures Calvin and Hobbes)_

_Chill (throwing them in the van): I'm taking you to Canada._

_Calvin: Why?_

_Chill: I like their flag._

_(Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman groan)_

_(Drum roll starts)_

_Narrator: From the authors of Retro Chill and Calvin and Hobbes: The Series_

_(Shows Chill digging in front of the poilcemen.)_

_(Shows Calvin and Hobbes pigging out on a bed)_

_(Shows Calvin and Hobbes meeting Andy and Sherman in the theater)_

_(Shows Chill chasing Calvin and Hobbes in a mustang)_

_(The drum roll stops, and the screen goes black)_

_Narrator: Which Way is Where? Rated PG. Comic soon to Fanfiction._

_(Shows Chill sticking his head out disguised as an old woman)_

_Chill: Why, hello, gentleman._

_(Shows Fanfiction logo)_

_(End of trailer)

* * *

_

**The Realiphone**

_(The screen is blank.)_

_Narrator: Coming soon to Fanfiction . net..._

_(Shows Calvin wearing goggles and screwing things in with a screwdriver)_

_Narrator: Calvin is making his latest invention yet._

_(Shows Calvin pulling the sheet off his invention, and showing Hobbes and Socrates.)_

_Narrator: and it's his most dangerous of all._

_Hobbes (nervously as Calvin is about to show him and Socrates the new invention): Calvin, I don't have a good feeling about this._

_Calvin: You ALWAYS have a bad feeling about my inventions._

_Hobbes: Well, this time, I have a nagging feeling that this one is the most horrible of all._

_Calvin: Oh really? Why?_

_Hobbes (crossing his arms): Because Rod Serling was just in your room talking to the audience._

_Narrator: An invention that can distort humanity._

_Calvin: nobody is to use it, until I'm finished with it! Otherwise, something horrible will happen!_

_Narrator: An invention that can wipe the human race out with the push of a button._

_(Doorknob transforms into a donut)_

_Narrator: And things were difficult enough until..._

_Rupert Chill (After bursting through the front door): Oh Caaaaaaaaalvin!_

_Calvin and Hobbes:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!**_

_(Suspense music starts to play)_

_Narrator: ...Rupert and Earl discover the invention_.

_Rupert (after grabbing the invention away from a shocked Calvin): I'll take that. And now, not even you, Earth Potentate, can stop us from TAKING OVER THE WORLD!_

_Rupert and Earl: HA HA HA HA HA!_

_Calvin: oops._

_Narrator: Do you think things can't get any worse?_

_(Rupert activates the invention, and blasts Hobbes and Socrates backward into a brick wall.)_

_CRASH!_

_(Hobbes stands up, and looks around)_

_Hobbes: hmm, odd, I'm not scratched at all._

_(Socrates leaps up)_

_Socrates: WHOO! Let's do it again!_

_(The giant crowd around Hobbes and Socrates gasp in horror.)_

_Susie: HOBBES! SOCRATES!_

_Moe: They're... they're... they're..._

_Mom: They're... real..._

_(Hobbes and Socrates look around)_

_Socrates: oopsies._

_Narrator: Socrates and Hobbes have been reveled to the world._

_Rupert and Earl: **HA HA HA HA HA! **_NOBODY_ CAN STOP US NOW!_

_(The screen goes blank)_

_Narrator: THE REALIPHONE. Rated PG. Coming soon to Fanfiction._

_(Shows Rupert and Earl using the invention to change the world to fit their style.)_

_(Fanfiction logo pops up)_

_(End of trailer)

* * *

_

**Hobbes' dictionary:**

**Aardvark:** Apparently the first word in this dictionary. I believe it's some kind of plated ant-eater. I'm not entirely sure, considering I've never met one.

**Andy:** A fine boy. Around eight or so. Kinda quiet, but certainly good at shutting up hamsters.

**Asia:** The origin of tigers. In other words, a place with a lot of taste.

**Calvin:** The kid I live with. at times he can be a nice little lunatic, but I'd rather, uh, vanish when he gets in a bad mood.

**Cat:** The most perfect species on the planet. All cats are wonderful and majestic. Except lions that is, who have become cocky over their so called "king of the jungle" idea.

**Claws:** Probably the most useful device installed into a cat's body. They can be used as a defense, attacker, and more frequently used, as a key that can open any door!

**Dog:** The apparent opposite of cats. Need I say more?

**Earl: **The captain of the Royal Zokian Army Crew. Probably the only smart alien IN that crew. Everyone else, except Rupert, are a bunch of idiots. But don't get me started on that.

**Hobbes: **a specific tiger. One that just happens to be able to stand up, use opposable thumbs, do math, type out this dictionary, and talk.

**Human:** The creature that's responsible for the extinction of several animals, and the destruction of the rainforest.

**Invention:** The worse possible object ever introduced into this defenseless world. Especially if those inventions happen to be named, MTM, Time Pauser, Realiphone, Time Machine, Transmogrifier and Duplicator.

**Lion:** the so called "King of the Jungles". First off, lions don't even live in jungles. They live in deserts. Second off... Ah well, Shouldn't get started on that.

**Rupert:** The King of Zok. You'd think he'd be satisfied with that, but no, he has to go and take over the other planets in the universe. Plus, as an added bonus, he thinks he can't start taking _this_ world over until he destroys Calvin and I. Sigh. It's a tough life.

**Salmon:** The second most perfect food in the universe, which happens to be a species of fish.

**Sherman:** Andy's pet rat. I mean hamster. He learned how to talk at some University, and it's made him a little pest. He's over intelligent, cocky, a show off, and most of all, annoying. I don't know where we'd be if Andy weren't around to shut him up.

**Socrates: **My good pranking buddy. Socrates is where I get most of my practical jokes I play on Calvin. However, he does, sometimes, get on my nerves. Calvin can't stand him. And I'm just fine with that.

**Tiger:** The most perfect species of cat in the universe. We have good sense in style, habitat, and food, and we happen to be more intelligent than humans. On the other hand, chickens are smarter than humans, too. Ah well. The point is that we're smart.

**Tuna:** The best food in the universe, which ALSO happens to be fish. HAZZAH FOR FISH!

**TV:** Not good and not bad. It can be used for some good tiger documentaries, but the other shows the world could probably live without.

**Zok:** The planet that Rupert Chill and Earl live. It's 90 percent lava, and has a torture shop.

* * *

_Swing123: Whew. Well, there it is. I whipped this up in one night, so I'm sorry if it seems rushed. I'm also aware I didn't have a soundtrack in it. Sorry about that, but I couldn't find the right songs to fit the scenes. Maybe if I ever find the right songs, I'll edit this chapter and put them in._

_Thank you for reading The Mega-Shrinker 5000._


End file.
